Thursday, October 9, 2008

PHASE 1 - Surgery - done. PHASE 2 - Chemo - DONE!!!

Last Needle

Being Bubbled

Best Nurses - Eileen

Best Nurses - Beth


April 22 seems like a distant memory. 4/22 was the day of my lumpectomy. 4/22 was the day I learned my cancer had spread. 4/22 was the day I found out I needed chemotherapy. I found an oncologist I admired and trusted: Dr. Ruth Oratz. She was open and honest and ended my consultation with me by giving me a hug. I knew I was in the right place.

Since May I have been visiting her office; for past three months I have been there weekly. Each visit as I arrived, I was greeted with a smile from the front desk associates: Nancy and Anna. I was then greeted with another smile by a nurse, either Beth or Eileen. I never felt more cared for. These women pulled me through my treatments, made sure I was feeling okay and not just physically - they could tell when I was down or tired and trying to hide it. I knew I could always call them anytime (and I did!). I never felt like a "patient" - they made me feel like a person.

So it was with mixed emotion that I visited the office for my very last Taxol treatment. Greg was my partner - he was there for the first visit and was with me to celebrate my last. When the needle was withdrawn from my port for the last time, I was elated but at the same time overcome with sadness and fear. This had become routine. I knew I was being treated against further spread of cancer. Now what? How would I know I was really okay? Such a rush of emotions, I was in tears as we sat in Beth's office where I had been directed.

Beth and Eileen soon joined Greg and I and closed the door behind them. Beth told me they had a ritual for those who finished chemo: they got bubbled. And as she and Eileen began to blow bubbles all around me they spoke of the bubbles as each a wish for good health and happiness. They mentioned the optimism and spirit I showed as I underwent treatment and how it was an inspiration for all. They made me even more emotional - what wonderful, kind women they are. Everyone in the office is! I left yesterday a much different person then when I walked in almost six months ago.

I say I am different because I have now endured things I never imagine I would. Chemo - it is not fun, but you can learn to make the best of it. Being bald - well, that has at least been interesting! Breaking down due to fatigue and the low level chemical buzz my body seems to constantly have - I ran marathons, how could I be so tired? Having to ask for help - I am not too good at that but quickly learned it was okay. Being so moved I was/am at a loss for words by the actions of my friends and family who carried me through the past six months on thoughts, prayers, food, laughs, cards, calls, emails, etc. - I am eternally grateful.

I am not yet quite "done". My port will soon be removed - YAHOO! I then face three weeks of radiation. After 24 weeks of chemo, it will be a piece of cake. Then the biggest challenge of all - moving on and not letting the fear of recurrence take over my life. I'll be on Tamoxifen for five years to help with that. As, I said, I am a different person then I was six months ago. I am a person who has had cancer. I am a person who has survived the first steps of beating this disease. I am a person who has truly come to appreciate this thing we call life and all of those folks who are in it with me. My journey continues - I just can't wait to see where the road takes me next!

1 comment:

Jenni said...

You are awesome! Congratulations! I know that feeling the last day of chemo, it was very scary for me too. But quickly moved on to how soon my hair will grow back....and it did. You will have fun with that phase - I know for sure! So happy for you! You stayed strong and did not let it take control over your life. Your an inspiration to me! Radiation will be a breeze. And once your all done with that phase, we can celebrate!
xoxo,
Jen