Treatment #2

It is a beautiful Thursday morning here in Butler ,NJ - the recent "summer steaminess" has not yet started and running 3 miles with Jess at 6am felt really, really good. Today is chemo treatment #2. I have mixed emotions - on one hand it will be one more treatment behind me; on the other it is another week of feeling like crap. The past few days have been great - I have been able to run in the morning and function during the day like a normal human being. I have quickly learned to embrace the days such as these.

Going to work with my buzzcut proved a non-issue. I even had two women I never met before come up to me in the cafeteria to tell me how much they liked my "look" and plan one day to do the same to their hair. Inside I prayed to the powers that be that they never, ever have to sport a buzzcut for the reasons I do and can truly make it a personal choice; outside I said thanks - it really helps "beat the heat".

I have many good things over the next few days to look forward to help me through this round: First, they began work on our cabin. It is being stripped, re-stained, and re-chinked. I can't wait to see how pretty she will look! I have attached some before photos taken during the winter. Also, we have the wedding of our very good friends Meridith and Doug to attend this weekend.

So I wait for my chemo date, my aunt Lorna for this round, listen to a mix of the Pixies and The Beatles Revolver album and can't help but smile. It is a sunny day...

The Haircut

GI Jane - More Pics

GI Jane

I am finally feeling exactly like myself again - sure I tire easily , but overall I feel good, more like me. Of course this is all in time for my next treatment which will be taking place this Thursday.

Greg and I had a wonderful weekend! We started on Friday with the Eastern Effects company day. Kudos to everyone one who helped make the day the great success it was. We started the morning out at the Bronx Zoo, took a late afternoon schooner ride on the Imagine down to the Statue of Liberty and capped the evening with dinner at Hill Country BBQ.

Saturday was hot! It was June 7th and WHAM - SUMMER! We had about 65 folks coming by to share in our celebration of life and to watch me shave my head. I have attached a few photos here; Will upload the video clip ASAP. The day was one I will never forget. I was feeling good and I was surrounded by people I love - doesn't get much better than that! My good friend Nancy who owns the salon where I normally get my hair cut, colored,etc. (she is the one who helped me get jet black hair!) graciously agreed to come to our party and do the honors. Greg went 1st. This man is still amazing me daily in how supportive he is being during this time in our lives. I was the one to actually shave his head! He looks awesome: almost scary (in a good way!) I do not worry that anyone will mess with him the subway!

It was soon my turn and I wanted to play Britney and do it myself but after the 1st swipe I handed the clippers off to a professional. It was relatively quick. I admit there were more than a few times when I would see my hair falling to the ground and my heart would stop or I would catch a glimpse of some one's face silently watching me be buzzed and my heart would stop and my head would start screaming STOP!!! THIS IS MY HAIR!!! but then then I would quickly remember "oh yeah, I choose to do this -it was going to happen anyway"! When the clippers were quiet, my brother Bill yelled "Hey Sinead" so I figured it could not be that bad. As I shook the hair from my face and rose to thundering applause, I felt - well, lighter! Not just outside by inside too. It was done. I had shaved my head and I was okay, in fact, after feeling how soft the "down" on my head was and peeking in the nearest mirror, I was more than okay. I knew I could walk down the street with head raised high. And, yes I know I will eventually lose my buzzcut but I am ready. I have the scarves, the hats and the wigs. We had so much fun trying on so many different looks Saturday that I figure the next six months will be the same. I can decide what my look will be. I can still walk around and not worry that I look sick. I can walk around and I can just be Jane. Although for now, call me GI Jane.... I am rockin' my cammos!

My brother Chris and our dear friend Rodger also followed suit. What a night! I cannot express in words my gratitude and love for all of you who helped me make Saturday a party, with you by my side I know I can say without a doubt, F*CK CANCER!!!

TGIF

My sister-in-law Mary kicked-off my Friday by passing along the below story which I have to say just hit the right chord for me! For those of you who do not know Mary, she is a woman I admire for she is also a survivor; her husband David lovingly donated his kidney to her almost two (could it be three?) years ago. She is able to relate to my stories of port pain having gone through her own journey involving dialysis, surgery, etc. They are both now doing very well and are spending the summer in David's native Switzerland. We miss them and wish we could visit - once this is all behind us we will make the journey over!

Spent Thursday evening seeing Sex and the City with Laurie, Erin, Tracey and Lauren. Thank you for a great night ladies! I was feeling good and laughing as we did is always an instant high! I was still giggling about the dangers of a Volvo wagon backdoor when I got home. (That's a "you had to be there" sort of story!)

So begins Friday. Greg and I are have been invited to attend the Eastern Effects Employee Day which starts at the Bronx Zoo. I am a bit apprehensive about how I will feel but will be bringing my saltines, meds, etc. and will have water on hand at all times. Let the weekend begin!



Attitude

There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."
So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror
and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

"Hmmm," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today."
So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror
and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."
So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly...

Leave the rest to God or to whatever higher being you believe in!

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain!

Is this week over yet?

Yesterday was a bad day. Let me qualify that, it was actually the worst "post-chemo" day I have had yet. I had not slept the night before very much and think of course that fact only added to my general malaise. My head hurt, my mouth was bothering me, and overall I felt so awful that I tried to lie down but turns out I was actually somewhat wired and could not even keep my eyes closed. At one point I was ready to dig this port out of my chest - no one mentioned it would feel like it was alive and trying to embed itself in my inner chest wall all on its own! I am giving it until the end of the day today and may need to call my surgeon to make sure that lovely feeling is normal. Of course I have no one to blame but myself for trying to sleep without chemical assistance. Thankfully last night I gave in and took some drugs. I feel much better today - imagine that!

I did have to share the highlight of my day. Greg and I attempted to do some grocery shopping but my timeframe for being vertical was very slim so we raced through the market and returned home. I was calling the night the winner in my battle fro the day when I remembered an e-mail I had received earlier that day from my sister-in-law Christine. I asked Greg to bring it up on his computer. They say laughter is the best medicine. We laughed until we were crying. I have to tell you I went to sleep with a smile on my face and in my heart due to these kids. My bad day vanished immediately as Greg quickly printed me a copy.

My niece and nephews are such incredible kids; they truly have the power to restore my positive outlook when I am down (along with their parents!).... hmmm I might need to borrow that curly blonde one from Aaron....

The "Week After" begins

Ah, yes I know the week truly starts with Sunday but I guess I am referring to the beginning of the ever-dreaded "workweek". Started my day with a lovely jaunt into NYC; a wonderful drive on a sunny Monday morning... actually the traffic gods were with me today and the ride was bearable. However, I was cutting it very close to my 9am appt. time with Dr. Shapiro and I did not want to keep the good doctor waiting, sooo, I hate to admit it but will, I used the valet parking service at the cancer center! It was actually quite sweet! After Dr. Shapiro took a look at my now well healed scars (that lumpectomy seems so long ago!)and said I looked "perfect" and Dr. Hiotis (who I ran into in the hallway) removed my steri-strips from my port incision, all I had to do was call and my car was there when I reached the ground floor. City living!

I headed from NYC back to Franklin Lakes and tried to assimilate back into the masses at Medco. It felt good to be out of the house but as I have tried to articulate to many people, my internal rhythm is "off" and while I can function normally things just feel plain weird. I hope to feel like "me" again soon! I am going to try running Wednesday and see how that goes. I took a 45 minute walk this evening and that seemed to make me feel somewhat better. My port in bothering me a bit - it feels like it is sticking me from the inside - like I said - things are weird. Wig shopping tomorrow!!! Stay tuned!!!

5 DAYS UNTIL GI JANE.....