Jane's Journey

2012

2012-01-24T22:28:00.000-05:00

My first post of 2012 and January is already drawing to a close. I am back in class, my 8 month old "puppy" now weighs 71 lbs., and every day that passes is another closer to the proposed merger/acquisition of my employer of 12 years by one of our competitors. Add on the fact that my mother-in-law retired and Greg and I have the responsibility of overseeing her affairs and just for kicks, I just started my annual round of stress-inducing physician visits starting with labwork... and people wonder why I run?

Got my lab results back and while I admit I am not a doctor and I know you cannot believe everything you read on the internet, I think it best I leave interpretations of results up to my docs. Let's see, over the course of the next three weeks I will be seeing my oncologist, radiologist, cardiologist, surgeon, ob/gyn, primary care doc, having a mammogram and an EKG as well as being wired up with a Holter monitor for 24 hours. I am optimistic that I will then proceed through 2012 without a health related issue. I am counting down until 2013 for it is during that year I will reach my five year "clean" anniversary and hopefully it will allow me to breathe a little bit easier every day as the fear of recurrence should not be so persuasive in my crazy but normal life.

Much to look forward to this year aside from my medical visits: Superbowl XLVI bringing a Giants vs. Patriots rematch, a visit to see dear friends, birthdays, the debut of my Dad's new shop, Coachella, graduation (HOORAY!), my brother's wedding this summer, a bunch of races, a few "milestone birthdays" within my immediate circle of "BFFs", and a new Batman movie... yes, 2012 is shaping up to be a very good year!!!

Snow Insurance

2011-12-29T13:28:00.000-05:00

I must have been a good girl this year as Santa brought me everything I asked for. (Well, except for world peace, food for all those who are hungry, and the eradication of cancer...maybe next year!) All in all it was a wonderful holiday, albeit exhausting, but wonderful none the less. Greg (aka Santa) and I did our normal running around but this year I just could not hit all the gatherings we had been invited to as my broken hand and school left me woefully behind on holiday cheer. In fact I was so far behind, my nephew Aaron even helped me wrap presents. I love that kid! So my apologies to anyone who did not receive a holiday card from us - that was one thing that fell by the wayside.

Anyhow the photo above is of my fave present, the limited edition pink snowshoes made by Tubbs. I have now guaranteed we will not have snow this year! Seriously, it has been weirdly warm here; ( not that I am not complaining!) but I am hoping for snow by January 21st 2012. On that day, I will once again join the Romp to Stomp here in NJ. This is a great event held at Mountain Creek - a 5K snowshoes race to benefit the Komen Foundation. Why not join us? You can register here or even sponsor me: Romp to Stomp. I participated in the race last year as part of a team started by a former coworker of mine who lost his wife to breast cancer. My niece Hayden, my sister-in-law Christine and my friend Jess all "stomped" too. It was a most awesome day and I look forward to having another wonderful day again!

I finished Biology of Disease with a hard earned "A", giving me a pretty perfect first year at B.U. I'll walk in May for graduation and actually finish up classes in the early summer. To say I am looking forward to completing this degree would be an understatement. I have met many wonderful people and do look forward to corresponding with them again come January but have to admit, having the evenings free to read whatever I want, catch up housework, etc. is quite nice!

As I head into another new year, I look back at 2011 with mixed emotions. We had many great times with family and friends and even gained a new member of our family: our black lab, Neo. I finally got to go to Coachella. We were lucky enough to visit Alaska. Greg landed a new gig with the film department at MSU. I participated in many races, had another great Komen NYC walk and was selected to be in their Survivor Portrait gallery. However, we also were faced with the loss of Greg's sister Laura, the breast cancer diagnosis of two close family friends, the career limbo I face daily in the wake of the ESI/Medco merger announcement, and the 10th anniversary of 9/11. A crazy year indeed.

2012 will bring me to the 4 year mark in survivorship. (I am planning one major blowout party in 2013 to celebrate 5 years, stay tuned!) I'll kick off the year on New Year's Day with a five mile run followed by a dunk. Yes, that means a swim. Yes, on New Year's Day. In the ocean. No, I am not crazy. I have done the Tough Mudder... 'nough said. I'll get through my final four classes. I'll complete the BAE Half Marathon trilogy, do a tri here and there and maybe even run the NYC marathon again if I get in via lottery. The job thing - I'll wait and see. We hope to spend many days with friends and family. My annual round of doctor visits starts January 10th with labwork. My resolution for 2012? Hmm, that is a tough one. I think I just might leave it at getting through school without pulling my hair out (since it took me long enough to get it back!) and to be sure to take the time to stop and appreciate this gift of life and all the joys it brings. Happy New Year!!!

Holidaze

2011-12-20T21:40:00.000-05:00

Somehow seven weeks snuck by without much notice by me. Thankfully I am finished with classes for the year and have a few weeks to catch up on life again. So, my apologies to those who have not yet received Christmas cards or a phone call in a while. I am hopeful the big man in the red suit will deliver the gifts my loved ones want or I am in big trouble having not yet hit the shops...

I should be honest and admit to a few stolen moments such as the 2011 Reindeer Run I participated in with my niece Hayden. We dressed alike without knowing it and enjoyed the scenic 5K route through some beautiful neighborhoods in Franklin Lakes, NJ. I had a wonderful birthday dinner with friends at Ninety Acres. Yes, another birthday celebrated for which I am thankful. Seems my big health issue of 2011 would be my currently broken hand, a running injury if you can believe it! ( I tripped and caught my fingers in a fence fracturing my knuckles - OUCH!!!)

I had breakfast with my 88 year old grandfather who is back from sunny Florida to celebrate the holidays. I am thankful each and every time we get to spend time together. I continue to run when I can, play as much as possible with our now 7 month old "puppy", and try not to worry about what 2012 may bring other than my graduation in May, my brother Nick's wedding in August and the 4 year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis.

This year has been a tough one with many friends battling the beast that is breast cancer. I wish for them nothing more than the gift of hope this Christmas and the return of good health in 2012. Me, well, all I really want for Christmas is the same - good health and good times with my family and friends. Oh, and some pink snowshoes too please...

Enjoy the holidays, whatever it is you may celebrate. Embrace those you love and tell them that you do. Many thanks to all who continue to support me in this thing called life - you are the greatest gift of all. ENJOY!!!

Whoa - where did that six weeks go?

2011-11-19T08:58:00.000-05:00

Today is Saturday, November 19th and I am in major denial that this coming Thursday brings Thanksgiving and the official kick-off to the 2011 holiday season. How the heck did that happen?

I guess I know - between my ethics and biology classes; the Halloween blizzard the resulted in us financing my tree guys winter vacation and a much sunnier yard; training my incredibly energetic now six month old black lab puppy; dancing with a NJ Housewife (Caroline, at a gala fundraiser for the Ramapo Bergen Animal Rescue); eating mud and diving into a dumpster full of ice water on a brisk November day in NJ (Tough Mudder 2011!); acting as co-race director for the inaugural Butler Turkey Trot 5K to be held Thanksgiving morning; and of course allowing for morning runs, kickboxing, a Pixies show, a Lykke Li show, helping to coordinate my department at work's holiday food drive and my company's overall holiday gift drive for children leaves me surprised it isn't January already!!!

Much breaking news in the world of breast cancer research this month too. you may have heard the FDA revoked the approval of Avastin for treatment. If you recall, I was involved in a study for this drug and received the placebo. Yes, I am happy about that. They have discovered how to overcome resistance to tamoxifen (Scientists-discover-mechanism-tamoxifen-resistance) and it looks like the smart folks at John Hopkins have discovered a pathway that could prove the beginning of the end for this disease.(breast-cancer-breakthrough-seen) All things to be thankful for this 2011.

Best wishes to all for a happy and healthy Thanksgiving! I hope to post photos from race Thursday!!!

Pinktober

2011-10-01T11:40:00.000-04:00

Well, I am not quite sure where September went... we kicked off the month in Alaska and ended it in Maine. In between we tried to make sense of the loss of Laura, one of Greg's older sisters; dealt with the mess Irene left behind at my grandfather's house in Pompton Plains; tried to give our quickly growing puppy the attention he so craves; of course there is work and things around the house to be done... oh, and did I mention my ethics class with the requirement of a paper a week? I guess that explains how I can sit here and flip my calendar to October first.

October is breast cancer awareness month. As I write this, one friend has just started chemo; another is awaiting the results from her biopsy. Yet another has been told her cancer has moved to her spine. While I am not a fan of products just jumping on the bandwagon, the fact that at least something is being done to try to rid this world of the disease impacting so many, I ask you to consider buying that fruit or chips or duct tape (yes, even duct tape!) bearing the pink ribbon. On my Facebook page, I'll be posting my "31 days of pinkified items". I hope one day that pink ribbon represents the memory of something we no longer have to fight and those who lost the battle throughout the years. Myself, I am three years out and doing well. I'll wear pink this month even if it is not my best color.

Puppy Love

2011-08-01T19:48:00.000-04:00

August 1st already. Where oh where is the summer going to? Well, as far I can tell it has been creeping by silently as I spend my days smitten with a new man... yes, I have a new love and his name is Neo. No, I am not fantasizing about Keanu Reeve's character from the Matrix (although I would not turn him away...); no, my Neo is the adorable black lab pup you see in the photo above. Greg and I brought him home on July 6th and since them, well, life has not been the same. Perhaps it is the lack of sleep, the constant sound of "No Bite!" reverberating across the house, or maybe it is the way he snuggles up against one of us and falls asleep but we have fallen and fallen hard. He has us wrapped around his puppy tail and knows it.

I am not complaining, we knew raising a puppy would be a lot of work. Throw in summer classes, some vacations, the normal daily routine of jobs and PRESTO! It is August 1st and I am in denial that fall is just around the corner. I best keep this brief - I have homework to do.... enjoy the rest of your summer!

Celebrating Freedom

2011-07-01T11:40:00.000-04:00

Yes it is already July and everywhere towns are celebrating our country's independence by hosting elaborate firework displays. The photo attached here is from Pequannock Township's 2011 show which I attended lat night. Myself, I am also celebrating freedom - I just finished my third class for my MS program and have off until July 5th! (Thankfully I got the A I worked through the weekends for!)

Greg and I will also be saying goodbye to the freedom we currently enjoy due to having no commitments at home - i.e. a pet. On Tuesday July 5th we will bring home Neo, our 8 week old black lab puppy. We are excited and nervous and already arguing over who will be walking him... more to come once we actually have him here!

I have agreed to be the captain for my company's Komen NYC Race for the Cure 2011. Join us on September 18th! The more the merrier! I received the great news that I will no longer need Zometa; clinical studies just have not panned out. I also received the great news that I have been selected to have my portrait photographed by a well known professional photographer to be placed in of Komen NYC's Survivor Series. I have decided to be photographed with a mammography machine. Sounds weird right? I was allowed to pick absolutely any setting and since I just think it is so important to get the message out there that women not need be afraid of the machine - hell, I love that thing, it saved my life - it just seemed like the pose to do! (I will not be having a mammogram - don't worry mom - no topless shots!) A mammogram also caught a very early cancer in a dear friend so again I am thankful to that big hunk of metal. If I get a copy I can share, I'll post the result!

Like I said, it is July - already.... with my 4th class, two triathlons on my calendar,and a new puppy I am sure this month will fly by as quickly as June did. I am doing my best to be mindful of the beautiful days and get out to row as often as I can. Happy Birthday America - I'll be donning red, white and blue in your honor this weekend!

Spring Cleaning

2011-05-23T21:53:00.000-04:00

It is pouring outside as I type this entry. The sound of rain against the window is now more annoying than lulling. Sure, my gardens are lush and green, but I have not been able to get out there and weed due to the weather... I do not complain too loudly as I think of the photos being shown today of Joplin, Missouri. I'll take the rain happily.

It has been a few weeks since my last post. I have traveled to California for the Coachella Music Festival and Walt Disney World for Medco's 2011 Drug Trend Symposium. I have finished my 2nd class and started my 3rd. I ran the Cape Cod Relay with 11 other wacky and wonderful women, and our awesome drivers. Greg and I received word that our puppy has been born and we should bring him home in early July. (A black lab, he will be named Neo.) I have returned to my rowing team but the weather has cancelled many practice sessions. I have celebrated the arrival of two beautiful babies to couples I adore and the engagement of my youngest brother. I guess you could say I have been busy.

Sadly, during the past few weeks I have learned of women starting their battle with the beast and even more so, about some who have lost the fight. Not sure if it is the weather that depresses me so or hearing these stories. More than likely a bit of both. I try to summon my "the glass is half full" attitude and think about what lies ahead. I look forward to summer and to complaining about the heat. I am fortunate to have many wonderful plans: the Spring Lake Five, James Taylor at Tanglewood, a trip to Nantucket as well as the Cape, class number four, and puppy training. Right now the thunder and lightning just make me sleepy. Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

Three years goes by fast

2011-04-08T07:39:00.002-04:00

So yesterday came and went like any other normal Thursday. It did not hit me until I was trying to go to sleep last night and found myself unable, that to that I realized that April 7, 2011 marked the three year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis. It was a milestone of a day that changed my life forever and I did not even register it until I was comparing my current sleepless state to that I experienced while going through treatment due to the various effects my medications were having on me as well as all the variations of emotions I would experience on a daily basis such as anger, sadness, despair, and their polar opposites, hope, happiness, etc. I take it as a good sign that I just went about my day without focusing on the past.

However, there is still much to be done in the fight against breast cancer. I have attached the link to a documentary that speaks quite eloquently to the cause. Every 69 seconds somewhere in the world a woman will die of breast cancer. Think about that - every sixty nine seconds...

1 a minute

P.S. To Joan who posted a comment to my blog a while back - yes, KM is the same KM you went to college with! She asked if you could contact her via Facebook or send me your e-mail address as I cannot see it from your post!

Whoa! What happened to that month???!!!

2011-04-04T21:30:00.000-04:00

I am in denial that it is already April 4th. How the heck did that happen? I swear I just posted my happiness over completing my 1st class and being able to breathe. So where did those 30 days go to?

Well, for starters, my 2nd class, Nutrition, started. Back to the Friday and Saturday evenings spent in from of my computer. I finally (after only 20 years) made it out to St. Louis to visit my friend Patrice and see her lovely home, meet her dogs, spend time with her and her husband. It was a great trip but over far too soon! Throw in a few days of business travel, some final snow days, and planning for my upcoming Coachella trip not to mention the fact that triathlon training season has officially begun and dragon boat practice starts next week... I guess I am once again a bit under water.

Thankfully, I can say that I made it through March without a major health issue! Woohoo! I am just shy of the three year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis. Amazing - some days it seems like yesterday, others like another lifetime all together. I have one more Zometa infusion to go which that will be in July. I am already planning my "Made it to 5 years" celebration - it will be quite the blow-out, as everyone knows there is nothing I enjoy more than to host a great party! (It will be December 2013 if you would like to mark your calendar!)

And since we don't have that much going on (and there is a bridge I can get you a really good deal on...), Greg and I are considering once again opening our hearts to a dog. While I know that no puppy can replace our Tacoma, I do miss having a dog. So, the search is on... stay tuned! Happy Spring everyone - take time to notice the glorious changes going on around you: trees are beginning to bud, crocus, hyacinths, and daffodils are surfacing here in NJ and of course - the bears are back!!!

Coming Up for Air

2011-03-03T08:37:00.001-05:00

As spring slowly approaches here in Northern NJ, I am happy to report that as the last of the snow melts away and reveals the grass in my yard again, I too am becoming unburied, at least temporarily. Last night I happily submitted my final project for the my first class towards my M.S. in Health Communications courtesy of Boston U. My first class was Media Relations and I can honestly say I learned A LOT! For instance, I learned how different participating in a class online is from a traditional brick and mortar setting; I learned how much discipline it takes to sit home in front of my computer on a Friday evening reading lectures; I learned that my writing skills need more than a bit of polishing; and I learned that I am actually excited to move onto my next class as it means I am one step closer to the completion of my degree!

On a health front I am doing well. I feel good, I have no immediate physician appointments to fret about, and I am doing that crazy running thing as often as possible - weather permitting! I ran the Hyannis Half Marathon this past weekend along with my fellow crazy runner Jess and my cousin Kristen. Jess and I stayed at my Dad's. My dad hosted a great pre-race dinner attended by my brothers Chris and Phil along with their families and my Uncle Frank, cousins Kenna and Kristen and some of their friends too. It was great to see family; I was able to meet my new nephew Gavin, who I can say is incredibly adorable - not that I am biased or anything...

I am looking forward to rowing season starting; our first team meeting is next week. I also will be beginning my Ironman training. Greg and I are trying to take life day by day as it tends to speed by increasingly faster with each passing year. For now, I get to take some deep breaths and stretch before diving back into total immersion and it feels pretty good.

Sunshine Causes Procrastination

2011-02-13T13:00:00.000-05:00

I should be placing the final touches on my Week 4 assignment for school, but I am not. I should be getting my wardrobe for the week together, but I am not. I should be folding laundry, going grocery shopping, making sure I have a Valentine's Day card for my husband, reviewing my work calendar to see what the upcoming week will bring, but I am not.

Of course I am sitting in front of the computer. I caught myself doing a lot of staring out the window at the glorious sunshine and thought I should try typing away my inability to focus. So far, it is not working.

Ah stress - what havoc it can cause...I have developed a twitch under my eye - a sure sign for me. I think last time I had it I was told I had cancer. Before that it was when I was applying for a mortgage. This time around I think it is the cumulative effect of realizing how much work school truly is; fearing my upcoming 1/2 marathon for which I am feeling woefully under trained; hearing of a fellow BCS paddler dealing with a recurrence; trying to figure out just what the heck we are going to do with my mother-in-law; and, oh yeah - did I mention I have a full time job and husband who every once in a while would like my attention?

Ever the optimist I plod forward - the race, I'll finish it; that will be my goal. School? Only 3 more weeks of this class and then onto "Nutrition" which I am very much looking forward to! My mother-in-law... not an easy fix but Greg and I are searching for options and will hopefully find one soon. For my friend Amy Z., I am praying - A LOT! Here I sit and the sunshine is streaming through the window, warming the room and my heart. Winter will soon be over and I'll get to paddle and run in the warm sunshine. In between working and studying of course. Speaking of which I should really finish my homework...

Dreaming of the Beach

2011-02-01T08:45:00.000-05:00

It is the first of February and a Tuesday which must mean, yes, more snow. How are the three related? Well to be honest, only February should have any connection to snow and I suppose February in NJ would be even more a clear connection but how does Tuesday figure in? It doesn't, but so far for winter 2011 it just doesn't matter. The Northeast US is once again under the onslaught of the "perfect winter storm" - this one bringing not only snow but ice - the lovely dangerous, tree-snapping, roof collapsing stuff. My back aches just thinking about clearing the driveway today. On a positive note, it will count towards my workout since this weather is seriously hampering my ability to run outside and I really dislike running on a treadmill.

The past week was an interesting one. Both my mother and my father joined the world of Facebook. Whoa. That fact alone is fodder for an entirely seperate post.(No offense Mom and Dad!) I had a great visit with my radiologist who advised the study I was part of will be releasing its first results sometime in Feb/March and they are very promising. Greg and I saw 127 Hours fulfilling my wish to see all of the 10 films up for Best Piciture on 2-27. (I do still need to see Rabbit Hole, Blue Valentine and Biutiful) We went snow tubing with my brother and his family at Mountain Creek and had wonderful time - so much fun embracing my inner child. We visited Greg's dad and Jean who recently returned from the Barret Jackson auction in Arizona. We celebrated Greg's 41st birthday by having dinner at the former estate of the King of Morrocco in Somerset, NJ - 90 Acres at Natirar. Quite swank it was and quite delicious. (As are the chocolate chip cookies my mom made Greg for his birthday - he is not too keen on sharing them!)

In between all of the above I completed my 2nd week of online class, shoveled snow, booked a trip to Coachella with Jess and also had my annual DEXA bone scan along with a visit to my ob/gyn. (You may recall last year's annual visit resulted in my June surgery; I am optimistic this visit will not result in anything!) Yes, a very full week.

So again I sit, at home - my car is pretty horrible in the snow - I stare out the window at the white fluffy flakes raining down, listen to Pandora radio, and dream of Coast Guard Beach on a hot July afternoon. I can almost smell my coconut sunscreen...

Seasonal Affective Disorder

2011-01-18T21:15:00.000-05:00

It is a cold/icy/snowy/grey Tuesday in January and I am sad. Oh sure I laugh and joke about needing an ultraviolet light in my house with which I could to bask in front; I might even casually mention that perhaps a quick jaunt to Florida will knock the blues from my being and the chills from my spine. However, I am sad and it is not something that the sun can quickly remedy.

I am sad because while it is only Tuesday it has already proven to be a horrible week. Two people I know fighting the good fight against the beast lost the war and left this world. Two people much too young to have to had suffer through surgical procedure after surgical procedure as well as treatments that made them feel terrible and weak, and forced them to face their own mortality.   Two lives that were cut short due to that d*mn "C" word - yes, you know it, - cancer.

Writing it, saying it, seeing it makes my stomach ache and my hands tremble. I yell (to no one in particular) "This is the 21st century! We were supposed to have hover cars and to have cured this thing... what the heck happened???!!! Sure I have the distraction of school, of my job, and of course of snow removal. I have many days ahead with great events scheduled, shows to see, and folks to spend time with; yet I am restless, angry at "the big plan" that we have no control over. I need a plan of attack, I need to do something - anything - to try to make this funk go away. So I sit here and I type. I will remember to call my family and tell them I love them. I will enjoy time with my friends. I will enjoy the snow by changing it into something to be conquered when I don snowshoes this Saturday. I will once again be sure to embrace all that this life has given me - good and bad - and be thankful.  I will this life to the fullest I possibly can and hope that my example will inspire others to do the same.

So yes, I am sad but it is okay. Being sad reminds me of how good it feels to be happy. Being sad reminds me that I know love and loss.  Being sad is part of life and like I said, I 'll take it all - the good and the bad, the happy and the sad.

Rest in Peace CL and MC.

Welcome 2011!!!

2011-01-08T09:04:00.000-05:00

One week into the new year and I still do not think I have decided what my resolutions will be... well, I guess that is not entirely true. It has really come down to deciding which I think I might just keep. I do have quite a few so below is my top ten:

Return to school - that is covered, my MS of Health Communication program starts January 18th at my alma mater , Boston University. Trying the online route, we will see how it goes!
Complete my 1st Ironman 70.3 - I am registered and have 9 months to train for this one.
Be more aware of the foods I eat - a wise friend said "if it can go bad, it is good for you" - referring to fruits, vegetables, fresh foods etc. Thankfully a wonderful new market opened up walking distance from my house: The Art of Healthy Living. Never thought I would hear myself saying, "boy, that blueberry hemp "iScream" is to die for" but I have.
Simplify, simplify, simplify. This is a tough one. I am really referring to the material things in my life of which I have many and really do not need. I have started paring down, donating many items to the local church thrift shop, the Lupus Foundation, and Goodwill. I admit I feel better with more open space.
Go electronic. By go electronic I mean lose the day planner. I have a blackberry, an iPhone and thanks to Santa, an iPad. I am determined to transfer my hard copy calendar to my iPhone and so far have gotten through March... more typing to go!
Stretch more.
Take time to do nothing. Another tough one, but I am learning it is okay to just stay home.
See all the films nominated for best picture BEFORE the Oscars - working on this one having seen The Fighter and Black Swan so far...
Try one new thing a month. (I have to have some fun!) In January I will be trying snowshoeing for the first time as I join "Hey Snow Sister" for the 2011 Romp to Stomp 5K. My friend Jess will be joining me as we snowshoe in the breast cancer awareness fundraiser. I look forward to joining my friend Jim and his daughter - Jim is team captain - they know first hand why this disease needs to be wiped from the planet.
Procrastinate less. Another tough one as I said to myself..."hmm, have not blogged in awhile - putting the holiday decorations in the attic can wait a bit....) I really mean "Carpe diem!" with this one for if not now, when?

Happy New Year all - I hope 2011 is a year filled with love and good health and for me, another 358 days ( I had mentioned a week has already flown by?!!!) to appreciate this thing called life.

Merry Xcess, err, Xmas, I mean Christmas!!!

2010-12-27T11:24:00.000-05:00

The State of NJ is in a state of emergency this lovely December 27th due to about two feet of the white stuff. Yessiree, the first major snow of the winter and hopefully the last of this kind for the season! (One can wish!) The wind is what is making it so wicked - crazy gusts shaking the trees right over and blowing snow everywhere. Thankfully it is sunny, the snow was actually pretty light as we shoveled it away and I do have to admit it is really beautiful.

Christmas 2010 has come and gone - amazing how quickly time flies by. Greg and I were very fortunate; we were able to spend much time with friends and family and look forward to doing more of the same over the next few days as we wait for 2011 to arrive. Santa was incredibly generous to us this year, either we were very good or someone switched our names to the "nice" list...

I was able to get a run in yesterday before the "blizzard" conditions hit and was joined by my brother Bill. We met at my mom's and ran through the streets of Butler. It was pretty, running through the new and still gently falling snow. Upon returning to my mom's we all sat and admitted to the fact that although we appreciated all that we received, perhaps next year we would approach the holidays a bit different. We discussed how blessed we all were and perhaps we could share with some folks who were not as lucky. We threw out such ideas as buying goats and chickens through Heifer International, adopting a family through a local organization, or buying coats and warm gloves for those in need.

While I am not sure what we will do, I have been thinking about this conversation since it occurred. I am trying to decide what my 2011 New Year's resolution will be. I am already committed to the Ironman race as well as the NYC triathlon. I hate to be general as in "I'll make the world a better place" or "I will buy/eat more locally produced food". Having a goal helps and I just cannot seem to decide on one yet. Thankfully I have a few days left to decide. Whatever my decision , I figure that I will use my blog to track my progress - good or bad - so that when December 31st 2011 arrives, I can look back and ascertain if I was successful in my efforts. How about you? What will you resolve to do in 2011?

3 Nubbins

2010-12-11T07:23:00.000-05:00

Sooo... this is what 43 feels like. (Yes, I am indulging my love of Batman by using issue #43 to commerate my own birthday...) While extremely happy to have celebrated my 43rd birthday cancer free I am once again struck by just how fast life goes by! I mean seriously folks - wasn't I just "30something"? How the hell did I get to be almost "mid-forties"? Incredible. Well, as always I see a silver lining: once I hit age 45, my time requirement to qualify for the Boston marathon goes to 4 hours. So technically no need to worry about running for time in 2011. I'll spend my 43rd year preparing for my Ironman. Stay tuned - it should be a very interesting year!

I imagine you may be wondering what in the world the title of this post "3 Nubbins" could possibly be referring to. Those in the know would be the Burt family but now that my Dad is retired he along with my sister Gwen have not only become writers but have also become bloggers. For as long as I can remember (which as you know is 43 years so a verrrry long time), my father has always told stories about the "wee ones" on Cape Cod. I will not give their story away but every year for Christmas Dad would create a scavenger hunt for the Burt kids. Now that everyone is grown and inhabiting various areas of the country, he is using his stories about the Nubbins and counting down the days of Christmas with daily riddles. This year the Nubbins' stories appear in a blog - so 21st century - and the link is here: http://3nubbins.blogspot.com/. I encourage you to read it and share it with your family. You might learn something about the lovely land we call Cape Cod as well as spread some friendly competition among family members as everyone tries to solve the Nubbins' puzzles first!

With only 21 more days left to 2010 there is much to do - holiday parties to attend, more shows to see (Prince, Trans Siberian Orchestra and Passion Pit), cookies to bake, presents to wrap, family to see and of course Greg and I will take our annual ride to view the local holiday lights. I love this time of year even though it may be cold and the traffic is horrible and there is always a threat of that blasted four letter word... yes, SNOW....but I tend to look at the holidays displays, the children excited to see Santa, and the arrival of gingerbread lattes at Starbucks as all good and hope that for even a moment everyone stops, takes a deep breath and appreciates this wonderful life. Why not now?

The Power of Positive Thinking

2010-11-28T09:20:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving 2010 has come and gone. The countdown to Christmas has started along with the annual catalog inundation my mailbox receives. I realized I did not make note of all that I was thankful for, (well, except on Facebook) and this morning while drinking my coffee and reading "127 Days" - the story of Aron Ralston, the hiker who amputated his own arm in a successful quest for survival who records all he is thankful for while facing death - I know I have much to be noted.

I then stumble upon a study published by the Wall Street Journal which denotes that grateful people lead happier lives. In fact researches conducted a study to prove this thought:

"A growing body of research suggests that maintaining an attitude of gratitude can improve psychological, emotional and physical well-being.

.Adults who frequently feel grateful have more energy, more optimism, more social connections and more happiness than those who do not, according to studies conducted over the past decade. They're also less likely to be depressed, envious, greedy or alcoholics. They earn more money, sleep more soundly, exercise more regularly and have greater resistance to viral infections.

Now, researchers are finding that gratitude brings similar benefits in children and adolescents. Kids who feel and act grateful tend to be less materialistic, get better grades, set higher goals, complain of fewer headaches and stomach aches and feel more satisfied with their friends, families and schools than those who don't, studies show." - WSJ M. Beck 11/26/10

Me, I equate being grateful with optimism. When you have awareness of just how much "good" you have in your life such as family, friends, health, etc.; how can one be negative? The next few weeks will be busy ones - I have a gingerbread houses to create with my niece and nephews, birthday to celebrate, holiday parties to attend, tickets to see Prince, Chelsea Handler, and of course the annual TSO extravaganza. My family will be visiting from MA, I'll ring in 2011 with friends and best of all, I receive my very last Zometa injection with hopes that it will be last time I see the chemo suite at my oncologist;s office. (For those unaware, Zometa is infused and yes, I get to sit in the very same chairs I received my treatment in - a bit disconcerting to say the least!)

I have passed the two year mark of completing treatment for breast cancer. I have found the strength (I think...) to grow my hair out, sporting a pulled back look I'll most likely be wearing for the next year or so. I have been able to identify many triggers of the hot flashes left as a result of my surgery this past summer. I can still run, still swim. I finally no longer have a bright orange sink in my kitchen. Yes, I have much to be thankful for and hope you do too!

Back in the swim of things

2010-11-06T10:49:00.000-04:00

In a sport that's ruled by the clock, freeing myself from the minutes and seconds that define success was liberating. I was now free to run when I wanted, without the gnawing obligation that comes with a competitive pursuit. I no longer have an interest in running "against" anyone. Rather, I'm often looking for someone to run "with," and it's the camaraderie, rhythm and ritual that continue to hold my interest. - Tom Ratcliffe, "Running Past the Finish Line," Running Times, December 2010

Tomorrow I'll be a spectator for the race many call "THE RACE" - the 2010 ING NYC Marathon. I completed the 2010 Marine Corps marathon last week along with my brother and friend Jess. I figure I need to pay it forward; having someone yelling words of encouragement to me at about mile 22 was extremely helpful, I'll gladly return the favor.

After 26.2 last week, this week I held off from running until Thursday. Yesterday I hit the pool at my gym. I had not been swimming since my last triathlon. I was alone, the water was warm and it felt great. I realized I missed the joy of gliding through the water and will make sure to hit the pool at least once a week.

Life has been busy; training for the aforementioned marathon of course is time consuming and as always our house is a work in progress. We are in the midst of putting in new ceilings in our family room downstairs. Oh yes - it is about as fun as it sounds!

Now that November has arrived, there is much to look forward to - the holidays, my birthday and the BHS field hockey alumni game! This November also marks my 2nd anniversary of finishing treatment and starting Tamoxifen. Only three more to go...November also means daylight savings time, raking leaves, and did I mention raking leaves? I best get out there!!!

Good luck to all NYC Marathon runners and a special shout out to my cousin Kristen who will be running her first marathon up in NH tomorrow - 26.2!!! Go get those bragging rights!!!

Acorns Everywhere

2010-10-17T09:05:00.000-04:00

Ah Autumn is upon us: pumpkins and colorful mums abound; Halloween stores have popped up in practically every vacant commercial space, it is still dark when I get up to run in the morning, and the acorns are falling. Everywhere. No exaggeration - the Newark Star Ledger even included a piece about the proliferation of acorns fall 2010 has brought and the positive side of their increased numbers. (They aid in reforestation efforts; who knew?)

October is half way over and the stores near us have begun pushing holiday merchandise in earnest. Only two more weeks of "pink power" remain for which I am thankful. I am saying this even though I will always remember the significance of October in my treatment two years ago as the month within which I finished chemo, I admit I am suffering pink fatigue. I have been posting a daily "pink item" on my Facebook page and believe me, there is no lack of things to post.

I had the honor this past week of attending a lecture by Dr. Susan Love - one of the leaders of breast cancer research and the creator of the Army of Women. The Army of Women was created to bring together one million people, men, women, cancer survivors, etc. into a pool that researchers can access virally and quickly to conduct studies that in the past may have taken five years just to complete a co-hort to test. Yes, the Internet is not all for evil! If you have not joined, please consider doing so - you do not need to do anything except review the studies that are e-mailed to you. You may or may not fit the profile of the type of participant needed but you might just know someone who does. Dr. Love is not out to cure breast cancer; she wants to find its cause so we can stop it and no longer need to search for a cure. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing? Check it out and please become one in million! http://www.armyofwomen.org/

Just a bit of Pixie dust

2010-10-09T06:49:00.000-04:00

Yes, Halloween is only two weeks way (how can that be???!!!) but my friend Jess and I were not having a dress rehearsal. Our attire was in celebration of running the inaugural Disney Wine and Dine Half Marathon - an event that started at 10pm, brought you through Disney's Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios before ending in Epcot during their food and wine festival. I never had had so much fun during a race - I may just have to don my Tinkerbell outfit for all future events! I guess it was the wings that elicited so many comments; that made folks want to grab a photo with me - well that or the fact that a 42 year old woman was running around Disneyworld in the middle of the night dressed like Tinkerbell... hmm... like I said, I truly enjoyed myself as Disney really knows how to host an event - music, well tended hydration stations and of course - having Mickey himself kick-off the race - made for a great event. Jess looked great in her Minnie gear - so glad I have friends who can embrace a bit of wackiness now and then!

It has been a while since I have written. The days are quickly growing shorter, so much so that I am typing this as I wait for daylight so I can get out and run. October not only brings shorter days and Halloween, it also brings breast cancer awareness month. Seems everything is pink and it leaves me strangely unsettled. Are we losing or gaining focus by branding every consumer item with a pink ribbon? And I mean everything - I have been posting a daily photo on my Facebook page of things that have been "pinked" - from your checkcard to Brillo pads - that pink ribbon is everywhere.

So as a breast cancer survivor I try to do my part. I participated in the NYC Komen Race for the Cure. I am organizing a "pink" bake sale at work. I implore my friends and family to be vigilant in getting their mammograms. However I have a problem with buying wine or potato chips that have a pink ribbon on them. It just seems, well, wrong. No, the idea of Sutter Home or Frito-Lay donating money does not seem wrong to me - I guess it is just the positioning. Or is it the Komen organization I should direct my concern to? Can I blame them for wanting to get their branding out there and having more money funneled to the cause? No, I can't. I admit I did benefit from Komen research funding. I also admit I think it is great to bring such awareness to the cause - even if the pink chin straps and cleats that the NFL donned was a bit of a stretch. I worry that there is so much of it that eventually people will no longer see beyond the "pink" and forget how many are impacted by this disease. I hope that one day there will be no need for pink M&Ms other than Easter; that wearing all pink in October is nothing more than a fashion faux pas and that we can all say - "remember that nasty thing called breast cancer, glad we do not have to deal with that anymore"... until then I will support the cause as best I can and try to not to get so worked up over seeing even dog food "pinkified"!

Bucket List

2010-09-25T06:03:00.000-04:00

I spent last weekend in the mountains of New Hampshire with 11 people crazy enough to join me on "The Situation"; my team for the 2010 Reach the Beach Relay. To know what this event is like, first stay awake for 30 hours, run anywhere from 4 - 8 miles every six hours while awake and make sure the last 1/4 mile is on a nice sandy beach. Throw in 5000 other runners, more porta-potties than you ever want to see, and there - doesn't it sound like fun???

Actually it was and I have to say we laughed - a lot! (What else do you do at 3am when you are awake and wearing a headlamp?) Upon crossing the finish line I thought to myself - "there, another thing on my list - complete!". It wasn't until later this week when reading a magazine article about Randy Pausch that the whole "bucket list" concept really impacted me. You may recall Randy's very poignant "Last Lecture" as he was a professor at Carnegie Mellon who became a YouTube sensation for giving his students the lecture of a lifetime just prior to his death. Anyway, like I said, I was reading an article where Dr. Oz was recalling a conversation he had with Randy when they spoke about taking a trip to swim with the dolphins. Randy stated it took a terminal diagnosis for him to take his family on this trip they had always dreamed of. Dr. Oz, hearing Randy's message loud and clear, booked the same trip for his family that very day for he realized how quickly life can change and why not do those things on our "lists" for if we do not - will we ever?

For me that is what it was all about - just doing something many consider outside the norm. For those who have done it (even though we may groan and complain during every one of those 30 hours) holding that medal can be pretty satisfying. The past 3 years have been full of teachable moments and if I have learned anything it has been that my list will always get longer but as long as I can continually cross things off of it, then I am truly living.

Hmm, not sure why I am feeling somewhat so introspective at 5:30am. I suppose the fact that I am getting ready for a 20 mile training run with my brother may have something to do with it. Running a marathon with my brother - yes, another item off my list. What is on yours and what are you doing to make sure you get to cross those things off as "completed"?

Life lessons

2010-09-12T20:08:00.000-04:00

Wow - September arrived and is rushing by...we are just about at the mid-point of the month already. This past weekend was a busy one. We attended "Lobsterfest" 2010 with some of my "BFFs" on a day that was picture perfect. So picture perfect you could not help but compare it the day 9 years earlier that changed all of us forever. The sky was that same picture perfect blue; not a cloud in sight. We reflected on our lives and toasted to the fact we were together and we were healthy: it was a wonderful day.

Today, I walked 3.1 miles in Central Park with 24,000 other people all somehow impacted by breast cancer. I was one of 1,600 survivors. Unfortunately I was "alone" - my husband had to work and my mom was off on a long planned vacation. Since I was team captain for my employer's corporate team, I needed to get into the city early so got up in the dark, ate breakfast, donned my best pink finery and hit the road. I admit to feeling very sad as a drove in to NYC. Sure, I was going to be walking with my co-workers and seeing a post from my friend Lauren in the early morning hours made me smile; but I could not kick the blues even though surrounded by a sea of pink.

I gathered with other folks from the team and it was then I started to feel a bit better. Two co-workers were walking "just because" and both of them were fairly new to the company. I walked with a small group and I enjoyed talking to all of them. The rain held out until the end and only lasted a few minutes. I decided to stop of at the survivor village. Out of the blue a fellow survivor walked up to me and asked if I was by myself. When I said, yes, I was there by myself, she said, "So am I" - she hugged me and said, "Aren't we lucky?"

Those few words snapped me out of my funk and I realized, yes, we were lucky. We were there, we were walking, we had made it through and were able to say we were survivors. As I looked out at the sea of people walking past me - so many with the words "In Memory of..." scribed on their shirt along with a name it caused me to take pause. I was in the park today- pink hair and all - thanks to those who may have not been with me today but were with me when I needed them most. Lucky indeed.

September Already?

2010-08-31T08:26:00.000-04:00

I am not quite sure how it got to be August 31st already. I could swear just yesterday I was looking forward to the weeks of hot sunny weather a normal NJ summer brings; now I am planning out my fall wardrobe and waiting for the return of "school is in" early morning traffic.

The past few weeks have been busy which I guess is why it seems time is flying by. I have committed to running the Marine Corps Marathon with my brother and friend Jess on Halloween. So, yes in eight short weeks I'll once again do that crazy 26.2 mile run. (Note emphasis on "crazy"!) Training has begun and we are up to 16 miles for our long runs. Yes, training sucks up a lot of time.

Speaking of training my tri season has come to an end, capped off nicely with me taking home the above pictured souvenir from the inaugural Asbury Park SheRox event. Greg and I had a fabulous weekend "down at the shore" - thankfully I was not cognizant of the fact that the water I was swimming through for the swim leg of my tri felt like tapioca due to the multitudes of jellyfish, and the beautiful homes of Deal distracted me from registering the miles I pedaled on my bike. We had wonderful meals at places like Moonstruck, The Boards, Stella Marina and Avenue. Asbury Park, Long Branch, and Ocean Grove have come a long way since the days of my late teens and early 20's when we would not even stop in town on our way to the beach due to fear of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The weekend was hot and sunny, the beaches packed with Snooki and Situation wanna-bes, the boardwalk full of folks strolling along desperate for an ocean breeze, and in late evening the moon rose up over the ocean a brilliant red-orange orb that slowly faded to rose then to white providing a spectacular show over the water. Ah summer - how I hate to see you go!

As much as I hate for summer to end, I do admit to truly enjoying the fall. I love the crisp air and seeing the riot of colors that autumn brings to the trees. I love wearing sweaters and the smell of the first fire being stoked in neighborhood fireplaces. September brings many great events - the Komen Race for the Cure, the 2010 Reach the Beach Relay, and the season finale of True Blood. I have one more visit to my oncologist for my final Zometa infusion and that should be it for doctor visits for the year. When I look back at the summer of 2010 I'll recall the incredible weather I had while staying on the Cape; diving through the waves at the Jersey Shore; and the birth of our newest neighbor Sofia Isis Jones. Surgery seems so long ago, my incision scars are slowly fading from an angry red to light pink, and I have no need to return to the Cancer Center until next year. Until then I have training to do, holidays and birthdays to celebrate, places to go and people to see - so, "so long summer", I am sure my longing for you will hit just around say March...

Follow up

2010-08-16T06:29:00.000-04:00

It is a gloomy Monday morning and I am getting ready to make the trek into NYC to visit my doctor - well, one of my doctors! It has been seven weeks since my surgery so I am hopeful she will tell me that I am finally healing as I should, that my stitches have dissolved and that I will not need to see her again until next year.

I'll be heading back to the NYU Cancer Center in only another two weeks for my mammogram. This excursion of course brings a certain amount of anxiety to my life. For the next few days I cannot help but recall the mammogram that started the need for this blog. Yes, I am thankful my cancer was caught, removed, treated. I am thankful that we have technology that allows this sort of diagnosis to no longer be a death sentence and every year treatment options get better. Still, I will have butterflies and restless sleep until I get the "all clear" that day.

Thankfully we had a wonderful weekend - dinner with friends Friday evening to kick it off; a glorious Saturday sunny and cool on which we attended an open water swim clinic on Lake Hopatcong (well, that was only me) my 25th (OMG!) high school reunion, our neighbor's 2nd birthday and a lake celebration with friends. All said I was still in bed before ten but guess my body needed the sleep as I missed my Sunday morning cycling date. I ended up swimming laps and running ten miles in the rain with my brother. I'll see what the doctor says this morning about how this body of mine is healing and make my decision. I best get going as Monday morning traffic is never good!

The Long and The Short of It

2010-08-04T21:19:00.000-04:00

It has been an interesting summer so far. We are in the home stretch: the hot and humid days of August have arrived and the days grow shorter. Tomorrow marks six weeks post surgery for me. I feel pretty good but have not healed as quickly as I would have liked. I still have my stitches, doing ab work is not yet a good thing and I had to skip a triathlon last weekend because I was still experiencing some "side effects" of healing - I will not go into graphic detail but suffice to say my body was readily telling me I was in no shape to swim/bike/run.

Well, that was last week. I am going to try again - or is that "tri again"? This weekend brings the Pequannock Tri, a shorter distance tri and one I think manageable. I say this as I prepare to go practice an open water swim at 9pm with my brother. Hmm - this should prove interesting. At least no one will see me struggle in and out of my wetsuit!

Our kitchen renovation is complete, again I ask myself why I have these types of projects completed while I am home dealing with a complex disease. In 2008 while in the throes of chemotherapy we had the cabin sandblasted and restained. I stayed at my mom's. This go around we ripped down walls, cabinets, the works. I stayed at my mom's, my dad's and my in-laws. It is good to have family both nearby and those who live in a summer vacation spot!

While convalescing after surgery and awaiting the dreaded results phone call I decided that if I indeed was going to face chemotherapy once again, I was going to go long first. Hence the photo above. Extensions were fun but very hot. I feel much lighter without them but plan on having them againn soon - perhaps in the cold winter months.

Much to look forward to during these dog days of summer: I'll be seeing the Adams Family on Broadway, visiting with my friend Patrice who is coming to town from Missouri, I'll be honored by the Komen NYC Race for the Cure for once again being one of the top 100 fundraisers - this time for 2009; my 25th (gasp!) high school reunion is being held nearby, I have tickets to Tears fro Fears with Jess and hope to participate in the SheRox Triathlon at the end of the month. Whew! I best go hit the lake!!!

Race for the Cure

2010-07-26T10:29:00.000-04:00

While I am in denial that July is in its last week, I truly cannot believe it is once again time for the annual NYC Race for the Cure! On Sunday September 12th, I'll once again don my favorite pink attire and join the thousands of others who have been impacted in some way by breast cancer.

This year I have volunteered to lead my corporate team and set aggressive goals for both the team and myself. Why not consider joining us? I have walked for the past seven years and the day is always a good one! If you are unable to join us for a walk, please consider making a donation. I try to "talk the talk and walk the walk" and I can honestly say that I have benefited from the funds that the Komen organization has helped raise. The breakthroughs in research and treatment options made my experience with breast cancer one that I survived. My hope is that one day, women will no longer have to worry about breast cancer at all. Now wouldn't that be a wonderful day?

With all this cancer talk, I guess I should I add I am headed to the cancer center today for my 1st true exam following my surgery. I am confident all should be fine - I think the commute in will be the most difficult aspect of the day! However with cooler temperatures having arrived via the torrential downpours we had yesterday afternoon, an afternoon jaunt into the city may not be so bad. Have a great week!

Real World

2010-07-18T22:23:00.003-04:00

nor·mal /ˈnɔrməl/ Show Spelled[nawr-muhl] Show IPA

–adjective
1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2. serving to establish a standard.
3. Psychology .
a. approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
b. free from any mental disorder; sane.
4. Biology, Medicine/Medical .
a. free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation.
b. of natural occurrence.

As crazy as it may seem, tomorrow marks my return to the real world - aka back to work! I feel great and the past three weeks of inpatient hospital stays, lounging on Cape Cod and watching the last touches being added to my new kitchen seem incredibly surreal.

Thankfully my results from surgery were all good. No need for further treatment. I have already experienced the lovely time of life called menopause due to chemotherapy so no big surprises there. I do experience occasional twinges and I still tire easily but I cannot wait to hit the pool this Thursday and, the good lord willing, I'll be participating in the inaugural Pass It Along Triathlon on July31st at Lake Mohawk.

I am once again incredibly indebted to my friends and family. My parents and my in-laws were the best - providing places to rest, relax, and recharge after my surgery. My thanks and love cannot be put into written word. My friends have once again restored my faith in the human race: I received cards, calls, books, flowers, etc. - so many folks sending words and prayers - how could I not beat this monster? And of course - I owe most of my well being to my husband. Who else could stand by me as I fought with nurses to remove my catheter and demanded to be discharged? Oh boy, you have got to love general anesthesia!

Speaking of friends, I have to comment once again about the technology of the 21st century. I have been so blessed to reconnect with so many people. This time it was my pal Allie from good ol' BHS with whom I met for dinner and cannot wait to see again. I hate to admit it but Facebook does have its redeeming qualities! Speaking of which did I mention my 25th high school reunion is coming up? Yessiree folks, that is 25 years.... I watched "Hot Tub Time Machine" with my Dad and his wife while I was on the Cape and laughed out loud until I realized that the 80's had become comical!

I hope to return to training this week. My next doctor appointment is the 26th. I hope to hear I am healing well! I can still feel those stitches!

Heat Wave

2010-07-07T08:35:00.000-04:00

It is July and it is hot. I do not mean hot in the sense of "awesome, fun, thing of the moment"; no, the hot I refer to means heat, sweat and the need for air conditioning which I normally despise. Thankfully I am on the Cape and there are ocean breezes to help move the stifling air around.

I am healing well. I am moving better and am able to get through the days without any sort of pain medication. My stitches are driving me mad and NYU cannot locate my pathology reports so I'll be a bit crazed until I receive the "all is clear" message but I am sadly accustomed to this type of waiting. I still tire easily and am quickly reminded of how tender my incisions are if I move too fast or too much.

I have read several good books: The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest - excellent; Imperial Bedrooms (Brett Eaton Ellis's latest) - it was okay; That Ole' Cape Magic (the title alone made my want to read it) - entertaining chick lit; The Professor and the Madman (the story behind the creation of the Oxford English Dictionary) - excellent; and I am now starting on the Immortal Life of Henrietta Lax.

So you can see, I am actually taking it easy. I am enjoying spending time with my family who have been very gracious hosts. I am amazed by how quickly the days are passing but am thankful I am feeling better with each one that does. My follow-up appointment is on the 12th and I am hopeful that I will be able to return to my normal crazy life of running, paddling, and by the 22nd swimming once more! Stay cool!!!

Light on my toes

2010-06-25T16:28:00.001-04:00

The past 72 hours have been one big blur. It started Wednesday when I was limited to a clear liquid diet with the added kicker of a "cleanse" and it ends with me perched gingerly on a chair in front of the computer at my mother's house. What occurred in the hours between these two events is somewhat cloudy due to a haze of pain; the effects of pain medication and my lack of sleep except that which was administered via IV.

I arrived at NYU Medical Center at 10am on Thursday. After filling out the same exact paperwork I have filled out for the previous four surgical procedures I had there (1 lumpectomy, 1 port implantation, 1 port removal and 1 cone biopsy), I donned the ever fashionable blue hospital gown and the waiting began. When I was finally led to the operating room - I recognized both the nurses and the anesthesiologist. I have obviously spent way too much time in NYU Medical Center but at least I knew the anesthesiologist knew what he was doing as I did not feel a thing during my last procedure!

As my doctor arrived and chatted with me about my triathlon I was rude and feel asleep mid-sentence. I awoke in recovery to find that my two hour surgery had stretched into four hours leaving me with a very sore throat due to being intubated and a very sore belly but was told that everything went well. That was the last thing that went well.

I spent the night with a catheter (enough said!) and an 87 year old roommate who had a penchant for walking around without her hospital gown and tell jokes. If it did not hurt so much to laugh, I would have been roaring. Even with the lovely pain medication I was given, I did not sleep much making for a very long, very uncomfortable evening.

However as dawn broke I realized I was starting to feel better. My roommate decided to dress and sat in the chair next to me to talk. It was a sad story; she had no one to pick her up from the hospital having lost touch with her two children and having outlived her husband and best friend. She had met Greg the prior evening and told me how lucky I was to have a man who knew how to laugh. As she settled back into her bed, I pulled out the four leaf clover my friend Karen gave me along with the beautiful handmade handkerchief my friend Kathleen gave me and reflected on how fortunate I was to have so many wonderful people in my life. When Greg arrived to bring me home, I gave him an extra squeeze to let him know how grateful I am to have him in my life. Since my house is still undergoing renovation we are staying at my mom's and again I gave thanks for having a family I knew I could always count on.

So as I sit and type, I am a bit sore and a bit groggy (can you say Vicodan?) but I am fully aware of how lucky I am. I live near wonderful hospitals and have excellent doctors. I have a loving family and many friends. I have an incredible husband who stands with me through the good and bad and although I may now be down a few body parts, I feel light on my toes thanks to all who help hold me up.

Superheros Among Us

2010-06-20T07:20:00.001-04:00

Most folks know it to be a fact that I am somewhat of fan when it comes to superheros. Okay, so maybe "somewhat" downplays my fanatical obsession with all things Batman, but I am really referring to all superheros. During my crazy week, I became aware that they really do exist and that they actually walk among us.

It was a typically overbooked "let me do every last thing I can before surgery" whirlwind week . Greg and I spent last weekend out of the country - yes, we were in Peterborough Canada for the 2010 International Breast Cancer Survivor Dragonboat Races. Team SOS joined forces with the Machestic Dragons from Princeton and paddled four races. The town of Peterborough was awash in pink and the folks there were extremely gracious hosts. We had a very good time! We met women from all of the world, all of whom had breast cancer, many still going through treatment and sporting the all too familiar bandana/hat/wig over their now bald head. As I looked around and reflected, I realized the strength of the power this gathering had. I knew then I was witnessing true superheros walking next to me, paddling beside me, laughing and dancing with me. CANCER? Been there, done that honey!

On our journey home, we were able to make a short stop in Cortland NY where we had lunch with my friend David. I met David at BU and had not seen him in about, oh, 20 years... it was so wonderful to be able to just sit and talk as if I had just seen him yesterday. David himself has been facing a major health crisis but by speaking with him and seeing him, one would never know. He spoke about his profession of choice with pride: working with kids who have been in placement to get reunited with their families and integrated back into their home. As we drove south on Route 81 I realized I had just interacted with another superhero - he had sat right across from me!

We returned home to a whirlwind of activity - our new cabinets have been installed and look beautiful. I had my pre-admission testing after which Greg and I had a wonderful dinner with Peter (another BU "re-connect") and Caleb (the meeting of the husbands!) an then settled down at MSG to be amazed by James Taylor and Carole King - what a great show!

I capped the week of with one amazing Saturday: at 7:10am I started off on my 1/2 mile swim for the Franklin Lakes/Wyckoff triathlon. 2hours 36 minutes, 17 cycled miles and 5 miles ran - I was done. Triathlon complete. Being handed that medal was pretty amazing. However later that day I was handed another medal - one that was just as amazing to me - I received a survivor medal from the American Cancer Society at the Relay for Life. It was overwhelming to me to see how many in the area have been affected by cancer. It was even more overwhelming when I looked around at the survivors standing with me how many were just kids. Suddenly that triathlete title did not mean much. I thought about how it must be to go through your teen years bald from chemo and too weak to participate in the normal frenetic pace of life most teens seem to. I was looking at some of the strongest kids I would ever know. True superheros.

I ended the evening attending a "Shop for the Cure" event that my friend Linda (we met via the Army of Women) had coordinated. It was incredible - she brought so many vendors together all whom agreed to give her a percentage of their sales from the evening towards her fundraising campaign for the Avon 3day breast cancer awareness walk. Again, I was humbled. Another superhero was in my presence. I think I need to start handing out capes...

A New Look

2010-06-17T21:46:00.003-04:00

I updated my blog's template today after seeing my sister-in-law's new background on "The Book Bench" - yes, so 21st century of me to have blog envy isn't it?

Transition

2010-06-09T06:55:00.003-04:00

tran·si·tion /trænˈzɪʃən, -ˈsɪʃ-/ Show Spelled[tran-zish-uhn, -sish-] Show IPA
–noun
movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change: the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

Transition may be a noun but it is an apt descriptor of my life right now. I am slowly getting used to my new commute, my new office, my new position. I am learning to live without a kitchen and to look forward to the improvements made daily in my home. (I say this with a smile pasted on my face - and will continue to do so, hiding my freak outs about oh, just about everything, for those private times!)

I am trying to juggle training for my first triathlon along with paddling for my dragonboat team without totally exhausting my body. The transition within the triathlon is something I am not quite sure how to practice - it just is not the same to have my gear spread out across my floor and pretend I just swam my 1/2 mile and am now running, trying to get out of my wetsuit, to jump on my bike. This should be one heck of an experience.

I am getting ready mentally to begin to live without a few internal body parts as my surgery is now just two weeks away. I will not be able to swim for a month afterwards, nor run or bike for two weeks - and this is if everything goes as planned. Transition indeed; I have to admit, it keeps life interesting.

Summer 2010

2010-05-27T09:14:00.003-04:00

www.jchildebrandt.blogspot.com

I just reviewed my calendar for the 2010 summer season and have decided I must still be suffering from chemo brain. At least that is my story and I am sticking to it otherwise my husband might have me committed on grounds of total insanity.

I have four, yes four, triathlons from 6/19 - 8/29. I'll cap off the summer with a 200 mile relay in the mountains of New Hampshire. Throw in a few running races, an international rowing competition along with the fact that we are currently living through a kitchen renovation and just to change things up a bit I am starting a new position at a new location with my current employer next week and oh yeah, did I mention I am having some of my body parts removed in late June? Whew! I might have to commit myself!

The past few weeks have been a series of ups and downs. Greg and I still miss Tacoma daily. We have both been looking at (cough, cough) puppies online... not to bring one home right now given the schedule we have before us, but perhaps one day again we will have someone waiting for us when we walk in the door each evening.

Crazy life changing health events have recently impacted the lives of folks I know and everyday I send positive thoughts and prayers their way. London was a blast - how fun to see the city through the eyes of my niece and nephews. My cousin Michael graduated from BU while we were away. I consider this incredibly bizarre given the fact he was born during my senior year there. Wasn't that like just yesterday?

Speaking of BU I recently reconnected with friends I had not seen since our days of walking along Commonwealth Avenue which has been nothing but fun. Catching up, reminiscing - it is all good.

One last high note pertains to the logo you see displayed above. You may wonder why I would display the Snickers Marathon Bar logo so prominent on my blog. I do so because I just found out I have been accepted as a member of the 2010 Team Marathon; I'll be wearing their gear at my future events as well as promoting their product. The crunchy honey and almond bar is my current fave!

Happy Memorial Day all! I'll see you between swims/runs/cycles!!!

2010-05-10T07:54:00.003-04:00

Tacoma 10/31/95 - 5/7/10

When you are sorrowful look into your heart and you shall see that you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~ Khalil Gibran

It has been a rough three days. Our beautiful Malamute Tacoma has been freed from suffering but ours started when hers ended. Thankfully we have incredible friends and family, many who know how hard it is to let go of a beloved pet.

Our wonderful neighbors hosted a Friday evening get together where we toasted Tacoma's life with Dom Perignon and regaled each other with humorous stories which is exactly what our aching hearts needed.

Saturday as I lay on the couch with puffy eyes watching the 2009 Ironman in Kona and the stories of so many who overcame so much to get there, I realized I should get outside and enjoy the blustery day. I decided to take a walk and lost in my thoughts, I was outside for 2 1/2 hours. I spent the evening watching DVDs of films I figured Greg did not want to see (he had joined friends for dinner) and retired early.

We celebrated Mother's Day yesterday with our moms after I had completed a 10 1/2 mile run with my brother. (Nothing to snap you out of grief like a jaunt around the hills of Kinnelon!) Upon my return from my run I found Greg looking sad and he admitted it was "hard to be home alone". I then told him, although I had thought better of it, that twice Saturday evening while watching my movies I could have sworn I heard Tacoma, her nails clicking on our pine plank floors - so much so that I even got up to look for her. He admitted the same thing, thinking he heard her soft whine (which is what she did when she wanted attention). We noted however that we were able to have this conversation without tears, a big step forward in our healing process.

With Monday now arrived we start a new week and hope with each passing day the sorrow surrounding us will dissipate a bit more. We have much to look forward to this summer. One day at a time...

Giving and Taking

2010-05-02T07:05:00.003-04:00

I was lucky enough to get some new wheels this week - my first road bike. It is a black and white Specialized Secteur, the very model as seen in the photo here, and I have a newfound respect for carbon fiber. Greg and I spent the first half of our Saturday cycling through the rolling hills of Morris County as we participated in the Brake the Hunger Cycle Tour. The day itself was spectacular; sunny with clear blue skies and summer like temperatures. We started out early so the roads were quiet. As we pedaled along and I became accustomed to the awesome power of gear: "Hey, I just actually pedaled all the way UP that hill!", I was able to drink in the beauty around me. As we rode past spring flowers full of fragrance, past the local alpaca farm where the newborn alpacas were being shorn, and under trees now offering the shade of mature leaves, I admit I actually giggled.

It was the feeling of flying, of feeling like I was ten again and on my first ten speed. (I loved that bike - it was white with varying gradients of orange stripes. I thought it, and of course I, was the coolest thing ever.) It was pedaling for twenty miles with the knowledge we were only 1/2 way through the ride, but looking forward to the next twenty. It was surviving my first flat tire while climbing a hill and knowing how to change it. It was the fact that I was sharing the experience with my husband, enjoying a day that was pretty much perfect, and helping others at the same time - it just does not get better than that.

Today we will walk for others. We will be attending the American Heart Association Heart Walk in Harriman State Park. My paternal grandfather suffered a fatal heart attack at age 63. I walk in his memory. My dad celebrated his 63rd birthday this year so I have been thinking about my grandfather a lot lately. My grandfather taught me to appreciate the quiet beauty of Cape Cod in the winter and the joy of running along the sand of Coast Guard beach. He also taught me the importance of sharing a kind word with everyone, no matter if they reciprocate or not. So today we walk - for him and for the countless others who cannot.

So that makes up the "giving" part of our weekend. How about the taking? In the balance of give/take, what we face this evening tips the scales horribly out of whack. A friend from high school I was able to reconnect with via modern day social networking (aka Facebook) suffered a loss so awful it pains me to even write about it. Tonight we will honor the life of her heroic son who served his country overseas only to lose his life in a tragic accident here on his home soil. Upon learning of this event I again had to take pause and ponder the big plan. It made my head and my heart hurt.

Once again I remind myself that the hurdles I may have climb over, tunnel under, or walk around are only that - hurdles to be overcome; to be looked back upon with reflection and at times even celebration. I have been given the opportunity to get out and embrace this world with all of its wonder and all of its imperfections. Be sure to tell those you love that you do at every chance - this life is one crazy ride without Google maps.

739 Days

2010-04-18T07:40:00.002-04:00

With all the excitement occurring in my life these days: the whole health issue thing, a kitchen renovation, training for my first tri, the launch of my youngest brother Nick's first Facebook game,"Dumbville", the bear family taking up residence in our backyard, watching the volcano in Iceland and wondering how it may impact our upcoming trip overseas, the arrival of spring, planning for the Reach the Beach Relay, cheering on my cousin Lisa who is running the Boston Marathon tomorrow and my sister in-law's brother Andrew who is running his first half today, deciding how to honor Mother Earth this coming April 22nd, congratulating my cousin Michael on his completion of his Boston U. degree (how did I get this old?), looking forward to the summer shows of U2, Bon Jovi (yes, Jersey girl I am!), and the Dave Matthews Band not to mention the farewell a-ha show (and I bet you did not even realize they were still around!) - add in my job, seeing my family and spending time with my husband... is it any wonder that the 2 year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis and the launch of this blog passed by without a mention?

I was always told that days would begin to fly by even faster the older I got. Of course this was typically wisdom imparted to me during school break when I was running along the beaches of Cape Cod, spending long afternoons with my friends, or catching fireflies on a warm summer evening and I would inevitably scoff, "Whatever!", and continue running, hanging out, or pursuing the hunt. How true these words ring today.

I have learned to be more observant of the wonders of the world around me. I try my best to take time to reflect on the daily gifts I am given. Every evening I do my best to list in my head at least five things that occurred during my day that I am thankful for. And there are times, like this lovely Sunday morning, when I sit back and think that all this "navel gazing" is only causing me to see how quickly life changes and passes by. I begin to question why all that has occurred during the past two years - why has happened to me? I feel all of my 42 years and try to figure out the grand plan.

And then, I lace up my sneakers and head out to meet my brother for a long run around town. My shuffle has my favorite songs although since I have a running partner I may not even switch it on. The trees have new leaves and tulips are everywhere in a riot of reds, yellows, pinks and oranges. I remember that I get to run today. I get to appreciate the blue sky, the spring air, a chunk of time with my brother where we can talk about any and everything; I get to tackle that hill, to feel my calves ache and my lungs burn. It is another beautiful day I get to enjoy it - how lucky I am.

Going public

2010-04-15T07:38:00.002-04:00

Okay, I have decided I need to go public with what is going on with me. Be warned - this may be a bit more information about me that you may be uncomfortable with but I was vocal about the need for mammograms and feel I need to be just as vocal about the need for pap tests.

Pap tests? Now, I bet you are wondering what the heck pap tests have to do with breast cancer. In my case, absolutely nothing and it is actually a cause for celebration. The past few weeks I have not been dealing with a recurrence of breast cancer. No, I have been dealing with another type - cervical. (Here is the too much information part....) The good news about this is it means my breast cancer has not spread - woo hoo! The bad news is I now face a total hysterectomy: uterus, ovaries, and cervix all to be removed. Ouch.

As most of you know - I have no plans on using these organs to have a family (that is an entirely different story!) but they are a part of me. I am already less one appendix and now will be down a few more body parts. Thankfully I have already entered menopause due to my chemo/tamoxifen combo so will not have to go through that on top things but I am somewhat attached to my organs - using them or not!

So here is what I figure - I'll weigh less; I will not have to worry about ovarian cancer which is what my maternal grandmother passed away from 20 years ago; and I'll gain a few more scars to add to my artillery cabinet when telling stories about myself; "What? Oh, that - I got that catching a tasty wave off the shores of Tahiti." Or something like that.

So anyway I advise all my female friends to get their Pap tests - they would not have caught this without my annual check -up. Sound familiar? That is why the timing is eerily the same as my breast cancer detection, I am a creature of habit when it comes to my annual exams. So for 2010 here is what I am dealing with:

Adenocarcinoma in Situ. Adenocarcinomas originate in glandular cells. This cancer tends to be more aggressive than the more common squamous carcinoma in situ. Some evidence suggests that it develops in numerous sites rather than a single location. Hysterectomy is generally recommended. In women who wish to retain fertility, cone biopsies may be performed, although this procedure sometimes causes sterility and it does not always remove all adenocarcinomas.

Looks like my procedure will be in June after my dragonboat competition in Canada and my traithlon on 6-19. It will require an inpatient stay and a decent recovery time. That is what I fear most - being told I can't do anything!!!

Paddles Up!

2010-04-13T07:27:00.002-04:00

Team SOS hit the water last night - our first practice for the 2010 season. The turn out was great; we even had a 2nd boat on the water. It was great to see so many women from last year - and to see them strong and healthy. SOS - "Save Our Sisters" is my dragonboat team and many of my teammates are cancer survivors. I have to say there is nothing quite like being in a boat full of women paddling silently (as Coach Eleen yells at us...) on a perfect spring evening; these women have been to the dark side and back - they get it.

The women on my team understand what is going on in my head as I await Wednesday's consultation with my doctor. These women know the fear, the feeling of helplessness, the agony of waiting. These women also know strength, courage, the importance of friends, family and an optimistic viewpoint. Sisters? Yes, I am proud to to call these women sister. I enjoy being part of a team and hearing the splash of 20 paddles hitting the water as the boat lifts and speeds along the water's top. I look forward to our races and hope to participate in as many as possible.

We are always happy to welcome new paddlers, so anyone with interest, let me know. I am hoping for gold in our races this year but as I left practice last night I thought to myself, "...you have already won - you are here tonight able to hit the water and feel the wind in you hair - no matter what Wednesday may bring, remember this moment." So, I hold on to the feeling of flying across the water as I await Wednesday's verdict and I hope for the best. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed, I head into the week...

Wise words

2010-04-06T10:00:00.000-04:00

Winning has nothing to do with racing. Most days don't have races anyway. Winning is about struggle and effort and optimism, and never, ever, ever giving up.

Amby Burfoot, The Runner's Guide to the Meaning of Life

Take Time to Smell the Flowers

2010-04-04T09:01:00.005-04:00

I sit and type this morning with my kitchen windows open and listening to the birds gathering in the budding trees in my yard while in the background the sound of the swiftly moving water cascading over the nearby waterfall and hitting the rocks below acts as a natural stress reducer. Spring is here in NJ in all of its glory; warm days, cools nights, daffodils, tulips and forsythia abound. The sun stays in the sky longer and I have started to see the pale limbs of the masses emerge in shorts, t-shirts and flip-flops as the heavy layers of winter have been packed away.

I have spent the past days recovering from my latest visit to the operating room of NYU Hospital. "Everything went well", says my doctor. "We will have results in a week." A week; seven days, 164 hours of waiting. Again. I am becoming extremely efficient at refocusing my anxiety. I have caught up on the 2010 Oscar nominated films for Best Movie - well, all but Avatar (Still hopeful to watch it on the big screen). I have read every comment friends and family have posted to Facebook or emailed or sent in a card. I have emptied my wardrobe of my winter wools and replaced it with the cotton and linens of spring.

I have spent the most amount of time taking slow walks around my yard and neighborhood and marveling at the resiliency of the fragile flowers that are blooming everywhere. Their simple beauty reminds me of the simple joys of life - warm sunshine, blue skies, and green grass under bare feet.

Two years ago I was waiting during this exact weekend to find out if I had breast cancer or not. (We all know how that turned out.) Back then I was so dazed and scared that spring came and went and I seem to have missed it, so focused on the fight I was facing. Not this time. I am still scared; I am unhappy that once again this body of mine is causing me angst even greater than how my derriere may look in a pair of jeans; and still stressed as I think about the future and what next steps may be in my treatment - yet, this time I am breathing deeply, I am sitting back and I am taking time to smell the flowers. Each day is a gift and there is no better wrapping than a fine spring morning. Happy Easter everyone - enjoy the day!

Quote of the Day

2010-03-31T09:25:00.000-04:00

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO! What a ride!’”
~Unknown

Breathing Lessons

2010-03-29T07:36:00.002-04:00

Yes I understand that every life must end,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go,..
I’m a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love,..

Some folks just have one,
Others they got none,..
Pearl Jam - Just Breathe

My surgery date has been changed this week from Friday to Thursday. As I mentioned this fact to my trainer during my workout this morning, she did not miss a beat when she responded, "Great - one day closer to your recovery!". I realized yet again, what a fortunate person I am.

Now on the surface one may not think I am very lucky dealing with cancer issues for a 2nd time. However, referring to the Pearl Jam song above which resonates with me for the line about being able to count on both hands the ones that I love - I am able to say I use my toes too. I have amazing friends (special shout out to "the girls"; I cannot thank you enough for a wonderful weekend!); and incredible family that surrounds me as well as a man who stands by my side no matter what. Yes, I am lucky indeed.

So, I go into this week with a bit of fear and hesitation but I did have time this past week to step back and take a breath. I have said it before and will say it again; per the words of that wise Jedi Master Yoda - "There is no try, only do." (Yes, I am a geek!)I will have this surgery and I will be okay and whatever is, well, it will be and I am leaning to be okay with that.

It is okay not to be Superwoman

2010-03-22T08:08:00.004-04:00

Last week I did something so radical, so scary, so out of character for me that I have to say it was hardest thing I have ever done. It was harder than hearing I had cancer, even harder than being bald or enduring 16 weeks of chemotherapy. Last week I had to give up control. (Those who know me well will understand why this was the hardest thing I ever had to do!)

What brought this on? For me it was a hard smack of reality that struck me when I hung up from being on hold with my physician's office because I was stressed I was late for other items demanding my attention. Hear that loud smacking noise? That is me hitting my forehead saying "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!!!" So, after a good cry, I had to admit that superwoman I was not (of course I'm not, I am Batgirl...) and that it was okay not to be superwoman.

So, this week I am taking some time to pause and to fully appreciate all that I have, all that I can do, and all the wonderful people in my life. I am going to learn how to use my new iphone, work in my yard, and spend time with my husband. I am going to swim and run and observe the flowers pushing their way through the soil. I am going to spend time with my girlfriends and I am going to handle all the paperwork/pre-op testing/phone calls needed before Good Friday. I am just going to be and that, that is okay.

Longer Days

2010-03-14T20:46:00.003-04:00

We changed the clocks at 2am today - 1 hour forward meaning one hour less of sleep but one hour more of sunlight in the evening. Usually this would cause me to exclaim "today is my favorite day of the year!" but 3/14/10 is playing out to be quite an interesting day but perhaps not a favorite.

3/14/10 is well, wet. There is water everywhere! The waterfall in our backyard is rushing over the hillside at such a speed that the normally tranquil sound is similar to the roar of a train. My brother spent the day trying to staunch the flow of water into his basement while my grandfather was evacuated from the home he returned to (from Florida) only yesterday. I can only imagine what tomorrow morning's commute will be like.

On a positive note, I officially ergistered my team for the 2010 Reach the Beach relay. We are running under the moniker, "The Situation" - yeah - we're about training and tanning...

A Saturday Morning in March

2010-03-06T09:17:00.006-05:00

One pair of now well-worn Asics Gel Nimbus running shoes - $120

Various pieces of winter weather running apparel - $145

Running hills in Smoke Rise with your brother on a crisp March Saturday morning - priceless

The above may sound somewhat hokey but there is nothing like breathing in the cool winter air on a day that has a sky of perfect blue and all you hear is your own footsteps and those of your running partner. Suddenly my brother comments, "Fox!" - I look up to see a sight of pure beauty - the gloriously thick red coat of a fox speeding along against a backdrop of white snow. Of course said fox was also carrying its breakfast in its jaws and I do not think the chipmunk was enjoying the ride but what a wondrous sight anyhow.

We continue to run bantering back and forth about the homes we pass, the hills we climb and the events on deck for the day. We finish and the day is still young, my heart is pumping and I am wide awake and filled with what can only be described as joy; I have a day filled with plans of seeing friends, taking in some art and then tomorrow I will run the hills again. Get out and enjoy the day - spring is only two weeks away!!!

Shake it off and move on!

2010-03-03T07:45:00.005-05:00

What do the pictures here have in common? All three represent amazing people who are reminders to me of all that can be overcome. All four people in the photos have faced incredible challenges and perservered in their sport of choice. I look at their stories and and realize I can do this; sure it may not be fun, but just another thing to add to my arsenal of war stories.

Amy Palmiero-Winters ran the Cleveland Marathon in 2006 and shattered the world record for female amputees by a staggering 27 minutes. But she didn’t stop there. Just a few months later at the 2006 Chicago Marathon she smashed her own world record by another 22 minutes. But that’s not all. Her time of 3:04 was 12 minutes faster than her personal best from 13 years earlier, before she lost her left leg in a motorcycle accident.

Since then, she has continued to blaze trails for amputees. In October of 2009, she became the first female amputee to finish a 100-mile ultramarathon—the Heartland “Spirit of the Prairie” 100-Mile Endurance Run. But she didn’t just finish the race—she won, beating every able-bodied female, and with the second fastest time in the event’s history. The 37-year-old now has 12 world records to her name in everything from the marathon and 50 miles to 100 miles and triathlons, along with three Triathlon World Championship titles.

Dara Torres you may be more familiar with. She medaled in the Beijing Olympics at an age most said was "too old" - she is in fact the same age I am.

Last I look at Team Hoyt. Rick Hoyt was born in 1962 and as a result of oxygen deprivation to Rick's brain at the time of his birth, Rick was diagnosed as a spastic quadriplegic with cerebral palsy. Dick and Judy were advised to institutionalize Rick because there was no chance of him recovering, and little hope for Rick to live a "normal" life. This was just the beginning of Dick and Judy's quest for Rick's inclusion in community, sports, education and one day, the workplace.

In the spring of 1977, Rick told his father that he wanted to participate in a 5-mile benefit run for a Lacrosse player who had been paralyzed in an accident. Far from being a long-distance runner, Dick agreed to push Rick in his wheelchair and they finished all 5 miles, coming in next to last. That night, Rick told his father, "Dad, when I'm running, it feels like I'm not handicapped."

This realization was just the beginning of what would become over 1,000 races completed, including marathons, duathlons and triathlons (6 of them being Ironman competitions). Also adding to their list of achievements, Dick and Rick biked and ran across the U.S. in 1992, completing a full 3,735 miles in 45 days.

In a triathlon, Dick will pull Rick in a boat with a bungee cord attached to a vest around his waist and to the front of the boat for the swimming stage. For the biking stage, Rick will ride a special two-seater bicycle, and then Dick will push Rick in his custom made running chair (for the running stage).

Rick was once asked, if he could give his father one thing, what would it be? Rick responded, "The thing I'd most like is for my dad to sit in the chair and I would push him for once."

The 2009 Boston Marathon was officially Team Hoyt's 1000th race. Rick always says if it comes down to doing one race a year he would like it to be the Boston Marathon: his favorite race. Dick Hoyt hopes that he is able to push Rick in the Boston Marathon when he is 70 years old (2011)! Neither Dick or Rick are ready to retire yet.

I had the privilege of attending Boston University while Rick was a student there. He went to class everyday. I ran the Hyannis Half this past Sunday and Rick was there, pushed by his dad. I bought their book and as Mr. Hoyt signed it I realized that with the right support team, nothing is impossible.

So the good news is - no chemo, no radiation. Surgery? Maybe. I really liked my doctor who grabbed me as I walked out of the office Monday and said, "Don't lose sleep over this - we can fix it". Like I said, with the right support team, anything is possible - I am looking for a KO for this 2nd round.

WTF?

2010-02-25T15:55:00.005-05:00

wwww.jchildebrandt.blogspot.com

So, I finally get a call from my doc and what I hear is, "Hello my dear, I am sorry but your biopsy came back positive."

I respond -"WHAT???!!!"

My doctor answers , "blah,blah,blah..." or at least that is what I heard.

Seriously folks - WTF? Again I have no fears of dying (well, eventually of course, unless I find Lestat or Bill Compton) but really, to have have to deal with the whole "C" word again can truly be somewhat trying. I mean c'mon, I have the NYC 1/2 marathon in March, the Lehigh Valley 1/2 in April (which I will be running with my girlfriends attired as our favorite female superheros - you can guess who I'll be decked out as), May brings my trip to Europe, the Spring Lake 5, the Bike for Hunger, followed by June which is the Wyckoff Triathlon. SORRY CANCER - I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOU!!!

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and positive thoughts - keep 'em coming. 2010 will be the year I kicked cancer's a$$ - AGAIN!

No news is, well, no news.

2010-02-22T20:32:00.005-05:00

I am not sure I can share Andy's sentiment about waiting when it comes to medical test results!

I was fortunate enough to speak to my physician today but my biopsy results are still "pending". "Pending? What does that mean?" That means she did not receive them yet. "Maybe in a day or two." Did you hear me slam down my phone in frustration? (Okay, I am making that up as I was on the phone in my car, but in my mind I slammed it down!)

So I again remind myself that patience is a virtue and try to focus on my upcoming race, visiting with family and friends, the fact that spring is approaching while trying not to jump every time the phone rings. Oh yeah, watching the Olympics helps too! Hopefully I'll be posting again tomorrow - only to let everyone know that everything is A-OK!

Tell me why I don't like Mondays

2010-02-21T10:48:00.006-05:00

I know I am showing my age by using a quote from the song Bob Geldof penned while a member of the Boomtown Rats:

"And the silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload..."

That song basically sums up how I have been feeling all week as I wait for confirmation from my doctor that all is well with the biopsy I had done last Saturday and all my worry has been for naught.

Thankfully I had a nice distraction as my very good friend Patrice was in town from St. Louis. Jess joined me along with Gina - one of Patrice's co-workers (she was in Philly for training)- and we had a girls day in NYC. We saw HAIR which was wonderful, I just love that soundtrack even though the underlying message is a bit heavy and still applicable to life today! We had dinner at the Glass House Tavern in the theater district followed by drinks at the W. A good day indeed.

So, tomorrow I'll be calling my doc first thing; my mantra has been "no news is good news" but I hope to let you all know that my next news is nothing but good!

Curling?

2010-02-16T18:37:00.004-05:00

I am a huge fan of the Olympics. Yes, this is a recent addiction which I think started with the 2006 Torino games when I followed the exploits of Bodie Miller, Apolo Ohno and Shaun White. I then devoured the 2008 summer games in Beijing which helped to distract me from my ongoing medical treatment; it did not hurt that I was a recent convert to the religion of running either - I had new appreciation for the athletes and the training that had brought them to China.

Greg and I were fortunate enough to visit Vancouver in the fall of 2009. We were so impressed with the city, the Sea to Sky highway, Whistler mountain, etc. that we contemplated what life would be like living there - what neighborhood would we want to live in, what could we do for employment; you get the idea. So, we waited for the 2010 Winter games with excitement. Bodie would be back as well as Shaun and Apolo. I was rooting for Lindsey and Hannah - c'mon girls bring home the gold! As a hockey fan I was looking forward to seeing Team USA play, well, play anybody! So we have been watching: horrified by the accident that took the life of a Russian luger, knowing it would be the Great One as the last torch bearer, feeling anxious about Lindsey's injury - "will she or won't she race?", keeping our fingers crossed for Bodie- "just behave this year!" as well as hoping that Apolo Ahno would be remembered for something other than Dancing With the Stars. So far we have not been disappointed: medal count for Team USA as of 7pm 2-16 is 8.

So as we settled down this evening in front of the television to get the latest from the games, we found ourselves watching curling. Were you even aware this was still an Olympic sport? We tried our best to figure out the rules. Not sure how close we came. As we continued to watch I realized the women we watched had made it there without endorsements (Ever see a curler on a box of Wheaties?) and probably without a huge fan base. But they were there, going for the gold. I figured if they can work full time (which according to the announcer they did) and still make an Olympic team than I really have not much to complain about. When I am out there slogging alone through my early morning runs, I'll remember those women sweeping the ice in front of their stone and smile. GO TEAM USA!!!

The Waiting aka Happy VD Day!

2010-02-14T22:07:00.004-05:00

Jane's Journey
www.jchildebrandt.blogspot.com

Trying to figure out this blog/Facebook thing....

So, I had surgery Saturday and everything went somewhat okay - I say somewhat as I had some bleeding which left me with "packing" - yes, it is uncomfortable as it sounds.... I see my doc tomorrow am to remove it.

I was given some pain meds just in case; last night when I started to feel the "packing" I figured, hey, I'll take some meds and everything will be fine. Yeah, sure - sounds good in theory but in real life execution - not so much. I had nightmares all night. I kept seeing my grandmother - my mom's mom - who passed away when I was only 22. In my dreams/nightmares I hugged her so tightly and was so thrilled to see her; to her it was just another day. I am trying not read anything into my dreams about those who have left me but since I will not have my results until Friday it is a bit hard to do.

It has been an interesting weekend. I ran into a high school classmate at the Devils game Friday night - Karen you look awesome - I am quietly envying your beautiful thick dark hair.... and then I ran into Dawn and Preston - a great couple who were each a year ahead of me at BHS but life being what it is reconnected after 20 years. They live nearby and I hope to see them again soon.

It is only two weeks until the Hyannis 1/2 - Positive thoughts only and lots of training over the next two weeks...

Celebrate Today

2010-02-09T20:57:00.003-05:00

I am back in NJ, facing a morning that may be snow covered and not really happy about it. I hate the fact I no longer look forward to lots of the white stuff but since I am not a professional snowboarder, skier, dog musher, or snowmobiler it basically only has negative impact on my life. Traffic snarls or stops; the outside world looks pretty for a day or but then everything become encrusted in a coating of salt, dirt, slushy messiness that makes my morning runs downright treacherous. The few days I spent in Florida seem already a lifetime ago!

I had a great time visiting with my aunts and grandfather. I spent the weekend at Disney which always makes me happy. As I watched the parade at the Magic Kingdom, its theme - "Celebrate Today" struck very close to home for me. The focus in Disney was on being a volunteer and celebrating all that you can do today to make the world a better place. Yes, I am a believer. I try ,oh I try to do something everyday to make the world a better place. Today I made sure I paid attention and turned the water off while I brushed my teeth. I said thank you to the life guard at the pool where I did my morning swim - he looked at me like I had two heads - I meant thank you for being there at 5am so that I could swim knowing if I needed help, it was nearby.

Saturday grows closer. My pre-admission testing is complete. I await a call Friday to tell me what time to report to the hospital. In the meantime I will continue to focus on "celebrating today" - what can you do to make today a better day?

FEAR

2010-02-02T21:05:00.002-05:00

I have just had a wonderful weekend. We celebrated my husband's 40th birthday surrounded by family and friends. This coming weekend stands to also be wonderful as I will be at Walt Disney World - the happiest place on earth. I am looking forward to seeing my grandfather along with my aunts. I am looking forward to some sun,sea, and if lucky, surfing. So why do I title this post fear?

I am alluding to the fact that upon my return to NJ my very first task will be to visit Chilton Memorial Hospital for pre-admission testing. Testing required before the biopsy I'll be having on Saturday, the 13th. The biopsy that is causing me to lose sleep, eat cheesecake and drink too much wine. The biopsy that I pray comes back as "nothing". The biopsy that has the ability to turn my life upside if it comes back with "something".

So send the positive vibes my way and I hope to post happy news come this Valentine's Day! Meanwhile I am off to see the Mouse!

Dragon Boats and the 2010 Olympics!

2010-01-29T05:38:00.002-05:00

Many thanks to Coach Ellen for passing this news along! (Most of you know I paddle with Team SOS here in Northern NJ)

As you know the 2010 Winter Olympics begin in Vancouver on February 12th and after crossing Canada, the last two Olympic Torch relays will be completed in Vancouver in dragon boats!

At about 1:00pm (Pacific Standard Time), a flotilla of six dragon boats and two outriggers, will escort two lead boats carrying the Olympic torch on the waters of False Creek to its final destination prior to the Opening Ceremonies.

One of the dragon boats will be crewed by Abreast In A Boat - 20 paddlers, a steers and a drummer while Dr Don McKenzie will have a seat in one of the lead boats. It was on these very waters of False Creek in 1996 that the first breast cancer survivor dragon boat paddled for the very first time with Dr McKenzie at the helm. Four of those original paddlers will be in the crew on Feb 12th.

This is such an affirmation of Dr McKenzie's work re exercise and chronic disease and all he's done over the years for all of us. It's also an incredible opportunity and inspiration for everyone - those in the boat, on the shore and the millions who will be watching.

Do pass this on to other breast cancer crews who may be interested and remember to watch the games!!!

The Mermaid and the Whale

2010-01-24T20:28:00.001-05:00

Thank you to my sister-in-law Mary for the below "fable" - we should all learn to be whales!!!

Recently, in a large city in Australia , a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.

It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern,

Whales are always surrounded by friends, dolphins, sea lions, curious humans. They have an active sex life,get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.

They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.

They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia ,the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia .

Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.

They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist.

If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human?

They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them .... where is IT?

Therefore, they don't have kids either.
Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.

P..S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.

With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.

So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨

Answer re: Port Pain Question

2010-01-24T17:37:00.002-05:00

This post is a response to the question from Anonymous in regard to port pain. Basically my port seemed to always bother me. Mine was in my right chest wall, just below my collarbone. It healed nicely and worked very well as I never had to worry about having issue with my veins while undergoing chemo. I had one friend who ended up receiving treatment through her feet as her veins were so shot from the medications.

Know that pinching a bit is normal. I had one episode where I convinced myself the wire had disconnected from the port it seemed to pinch so often, that I ran to my doctor and demanded an X-ray. Thankfully they believed in better safe than sorry and I was rewarded with the peace of mind knowing my port did not move at all. You know your body better than anyone. If it feels consistently uncomfortable, mention it to your doctor. I focused on the fact that my port was a weapon in the arsenal I was using to attack my cancer. I did not like it, it was summer and every nice tank I wore displayed it prominently. My bra straps rubbed against it. I could not lay on that side at night when trying to sleep. However, when my port was removed it left me with a scar that allows my to conjure the greatest stories about its origin to tell those who do not know my history.

Stay positive, stay strong, and focus on the good things - this bad stuff is just a way of reminding you how tough you really are. And if this comment was from my friend who shares a birthday month with me - I have been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Breathing Lessons

2010-01-22T10:20:00.002-05:00

Winter on Cape Cod

www.jchildebrandt.blogspot.com - I have yet to figure out how to best handle my blog updates on Facebook. Any insight from anyone out there? Please let me know!

2010 has certainly started off in an interesting way. The events unfolding in my personal life as well as across the world (A Republican elected in Massachusetts???!!!) have made me sit back and make sure my seat belt is fastened - I think 2010 may be one hell of a ride!

I have started to swim in the morning at my gym's pool. It is very "zen" experience as most times it is only me and the life guard and only the pool lights are on. I can have any lane I want and splash to my heart's content. It has made me very cognizant of my breath and how I need to do learn to breathe in a way that will aid me in my quest to stay afloat. Sure, I can swim not to drown, but to really swim, as you most likely know, you need to figure out a way to propel yourself forward while in the water completely and turn to grab a mouthful of air. I cringe when I think of how I must look when attempting this. I have even been scouring the internet for pointers on doing breathing exercises.

Funny isn't it that one might need to practice the one thing we all do upon entering this world? I am carrying it forward to other areas of my life - upon hearing test results did not come back exactly as I had hoped - deep breath, count to 10 , exhale... while running - breathe, breathe, breathe and soon this hill will be behind me!, as well as facing those things that cause me stress - losing a loved one, something not going as planned at my place of employment - breathe, inhale, exhale, go in the bathroom if you need to cry...

So many things to look forward to this year: parties, birthdays, graduations, travel, family gatherings, as well as races (both running and rowing) galore. I figure I'll be okay as long as I can remember to breathe.

Loss

2010-01-08T19:55:00.005-05:00

On January 7th, on Cape Cod's Route 6 in Wellfleet, MA, the world lost an amazing woman due to an auto accident. She was 75, she was a mother, a grandmother; she was a part of a family who I believe is still trying to wrap their brains around this tragedy.

Why do I write this? I write because it is my family who is numb, who is angry, who just doesn't understand the good Lord's bigger plan; it my family who has lost a mother, a grandmother, a source of much love and much laughter.

I arrived home on the evening on the 7th planning to quickly walk back out the door and join my in-laws for dinner. The phone rang - I saw the NY exchange and recognized my brother Bill's phone number. He asked if I had spoken with my father and by the sound of his voice I knew all was not right. I had not talked to my Dad so my brother was the one to inform me about the passing of Martha Baumgaertel, matriarch extraordinaire, in circumstances that are just so wrong.

Many of you may say, wait - Baumgaertel? Wasn't your maiden name Burt? And isn't your grandfather alive and spending the winter down in Florida? Who is Martha?

Martha was a woman who reached inside her heart and embraced my brother and I when her daughter and my father married. She never forgot us at Christmas and signed each and every card she ever gave us "Love, Grandma Marty" - such a honor. She was a woman who always looked for the good in people and was always quick to give someone a good hug. She enjoyed meeting the customers who would wander into the Asparagus Shed, and always had a good story to tell about her discussions from the day. She was a wonderful cook so when she offered to make a wedding cake for Greg and I after learning of our plans to be married on Cape Cod, I quickly said yes. To this day I still think about that cake, not because it was my wedding cake, not because the room was so warm and causing the icing to melt (I did not even notice); no, I still think about that cake because it was so delicious.

I began to replay in my mind all the wonderful times we have spent with my Dad, Linda, my brothers, sister and all significant others - whether it be in NJ or on the Cape - if Marty was there, I realized that she was always smiling. Always laughing. In fact my favorite memory of her is one from not so long ago, the setting may have been my brother Nick's college graduation party. It was a warm early summer night on the Cape. We were celebrating Nick's success pond side in my father's beautiful backyard, listening to ABBA, eating, drinking, and laughing. Sounds corny, right? It wasn't; in fact, it was almost magical. Someone brought sparklers, which were lit and handed out to all, illuminating the yard. Everyone began to dance, including Marty. We danced until the music ended. It is this image of her that I will hold in my heart: singing along to ABBA, laughing and keeping the beat on a perfect Cape Cod summer night surrounded by those who loved her and will miss her terribly.

Happy New Year! (Better Late Than Never!)

2010-01-05T20:28:00.002-05:00

I have been trying to decide how I would write my first post of 2010 - would it be one of great thanks: "I am thankful to be alive to see another year", or "I am
thankful that another year of being cancer free has passed" or "I am thankful that 2009 was a very good year - I ran a marathon, traveled to Europe to see friends and family, celebrated weddings, births, and my very own 42nd birthday" OR would my post be one of nostalgia, recalling my younger days and how every new year only meant a party and a few crazy weeks at work. Would it be one of new beginnings, new resolutions since I now know I can keep them?

I have landed on a combo of all of the above - first my resolution for 2010: I will start to swim at the gym with the hope of being able to one day complete a true
triathlon. Today I bought my own goggles - the suit and bathing cap I already had although I did also purchase a new cap - one with the flag of the good ol' USA on it. I bought it because it reminded me of the Beijing Olympics and Dara Torres, one of my personal heroes. Dara showed the world that women over 40 can be strong and beautiful - even with short hair! Tomorrow I hit the pool. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Two: my thanks. I am very thankful to be alive to see another year, to have spent a wonderful holiday season with friends and family: Christmas Eve at the Pisani's, Christmas Day with my family and Christmas evening with Greg's. I must have been a very good girl in 2009 for Santa brought me many nice things! We got to see my Dad and Linda for a quick lunch as they traveled south to see my sister in WV. New Year's Eve brought us to Cape May where we spent a long weekend with Jess, Denise and Joel, James and Lauren at the Miss Cape May, a lovely old home on New Jersey Avenue - 1 block from the beach. We had a wonderful time hanging out, eating, drinking wine, having our own dance parties in the evening, eating, shopping, running in the morning along the beach, oh - did I mention eating?

Three: my memories. NYE has new significance to me. I now pause and take the time to recollect my experiences of the past year, to see what I have learned from all that life has to throw at me good and bad. I silently thank everyone who has touched my life and vow to do the same publicly more often. I remember those we lost and say a prayer that they are in places filled with love, light and laughter.

So 2010, I am ready for another year, another 360 days (since I am writing this on January 5th) of new mornings, new experiences, and new challenges; 2010 - bring it!!!

Christmas Eve 2009

2009-12-24T12:04:00.003-05:00

December 24th, 2009:

Everyone on the list purchased for? Check

Run a few more extra miles to make up for the glasses of egg nog I hope to have? (Yes, with rum in it!) Check

Good bottle of wine purchased to share with my husband in front of a roaring fire while we exchange Christmas gifts? Check

Still to do:

Wrap gifts
Eat cookies
Attend holiday mass
Eat more cookies (and drink afore mentioned egg nog!)
Sleep in on Christmas morn'
Spend time with friends and family

And last - wish everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS full of love, laughter and good health!!!

The glass is half full...

2009-12-18T07:44:00.003-05:00

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Winston Churchill

Everyday the fine folks at Runners World e-mail me a quote of the day designed to inspire me to continue my running, to understand why "we" runners run, to learn pearls of wisdom from great racers and marathoners and also some times, like today, great leaders, who may not be runners but who epitomize the mindset needed to be one. Today's quote was one of those and I felt the need to share it - being a "the glass is half full" kind of girl!

The Archer

2009-12-15T07:33:00.002-05:00

Here is my horoscope for this fine Tuesday morning:

While you are out and about in the world, you will encounter many people and ideas. Today, your mind will open in a way that enables illuminating insights to enter. Listen and gather up these gems as you continue on your journey.

I read the above and thought to myself that I hope I do that every day; each new experience being a "gem" whether good or bad. This time of year there is much good! Recently I was able to spend a day baking cookies, we attended the Trans Siberian Orchestra holiday show - now a Hildebrandt family tradition - and we have a beautiful tree sitting in our living room just waiting for adornment.

As 2009 winds down with just over two weeks to go I am trying to decide what my resolution for 2010 will be. Will be having the patience to grow out my hair? (For the time being I have decided to have it stay short!) Will I train and complete my first triathalon? Will I see those friends who live far away? So many options!!! I am sure I'll think of something! Meanwhile I have a tree to decorate, holiday parties and family gatherings to attend, and Nubbin riddles to solve as well as looking forward to December 22nd - the day after the longest day of darkness of the year (the winter solstice) for December 22nd marks the day that the sun begins its return to longer hours!!!

42 is the new 24...

2009-12-08T20:38:00.002-05:00

Many thanks to Amanda for the sentiment above - 2010 is the year I come to surf with you girlfriend!

So, today I celebrate 42. 42 years in this beautiful world. 15330 new starts, new beginnings - clean slates, new dawns. As I stop to reflect, after a visit to my oncologist which was all good, I am so thankful to be celebrating a birthday - healthy, with hair :-), and the receiver of so many well wishes! Thank you to my friends, my family, my doctors, dragonboat team members, running partners, etc.; I thank you and will forever celebrate you every birthday as if not for you, I would never be as happy/fit/thrilled to be alive as I am today!!!

42 years... yikes! How can that be? So much more to do in this lifetime - I hope I have time to squeeze it all in!

Reindeer Run 2009

2009-12-05T11:14:00.002-05:00

Friday evening festivities!

2009-12-05T10:51:00.001-05:00

Get Your Groove On!

2009-12-04T11:43:00.001-05:00

Kandinsky, Wine, and a DJ - what's not to love?

10 more things I am thankful for....

2009-11-26T21:43:00.004-05:00

1. A wonderful Thanksgiving Day!
2. 60 degree weather on November 25th - in NJ
3. Friends - our friend Greg has run the Sparta Turkey Trot since its inaugural year in 2007; it is a great way to start the day!
4. Family - my aunt Lorna cooked and my mom brought along a card game which we played. It was almost a bit too Waltonish.
5. Black Friday Sales - yes, I am heading out at 10:15pm to hit the stores. Call me crazy...
6. The Pixies - the show was soooo good last night, I have been singing their songs all day!
7. Good health
8. Pumpkin anything
9. Great neighbors
10. The now arrived holiday season!

Things to be thankful for...

2009-11-25T07:57:00.003-05:00

I start the holiday season with a few photos of some of the things I am most thankful for... my list this year is very long!

I am thankful for my family - my parents, all five of my siblings, my nieces and nephews, my in-laws, grandfather, aunts and uncles, cousins and most of all my husband. The photos here are from my niece Maia's 1st birthday party held on Cape Cod. So many things I am thankful for all in one shot! Family, Cape Cod, a beautiful day on the beach and hair for the wind to blow through... yes, it is the little things that matter most!

I am kicking off the holiday season with the Pixies - celebrating the 20 year anniversary of Doolittle. I have been playing their music all morning!

Magical Days

2009-11-16T20:36:00.004-05:00

My brother Chris and his bride Irina

November is speeding by so quickly it seems that little run I did in NYC was eons ago...perhaps it is the fact the days are now so short; I leave the Medco parking lot in darkness now. Or perhaps it is the fact the big build up to the holidays is upon us, things appear to become more frenzied as the masses get ready for celebrations galore. What happened to the tranquility of Mirival?

Yes, Mirival. A beautiful place to escape to in Tuscon Arizona. My running partner Jess and I spent the weekend there after the marathon at the "Escape with More" magazine crowd. What a wonderful place! We hiked in the desert hills in the morning, challenged our fears by jumping off a 35 feet tall pole (which we 1st climbed up!) as well as working with horses. We spent time by the pool and enjoyed spa treatments. We met incredible women from all walks of life, ate incredible meals, laughed and cried as we listened to stories around the evening bonfire. It was like being at an extremely high end sleep away camp and I would definitely go again!

Returning to NJ was difficult but Greg and I have so much to look forward to as 2009 winds down: a visit from my "sister" Patrice, the 1st birthday celebration of my niece Maia, the Pixies show at the Hammerstein, the BU vs Cornell hockey game at the Garden, the 2009 TSO show, as well as time with friends and family. (Hopefully we will get to see my newly married brother Chris and his wife Irina!) And oh, let me not forget - training will begin for the 1/2 marathon I am planning to run in February!

11-01-09: 26.2 miles - 4 hours and 34 minutes!!!

2009-11-02T08:03:00.002-05:00

It is Monday morning and I can actually walk! Thanks to everyone who came out to cheer me on, what a day!!!

Halloween: Last year, chemo girl; this year, marathon runner!

2009-10-31T09:34:00.003-04:00

My Favorite Candy, Monster and Technological Advancement!

Last year on Halloween I was rockin' a hot strawberry blonde wig. No, I wasn't dressed as one of my favorite superheros or cartoon characters - I was bald. I needed a wig so no one would stare at me with that look of pity in their eyes; I wore that wig so no one would know I was sick. I had just finished chemo and was about to embark on daily trips to NYC for radiation treatment. All I can say is it is amazing what 365 days can do for a person. 365 chances to start anew and enjoy life. 365 mornings to embrace and evenings to enjoy. For me it has been 365 days of getting ready for tomorrow, November 1st.

"Why 11-1?" you may ask; no, it is not because of the hour we gain when we set our clocks back - although it is a nice trade for the fact it will be dark when I depart from work when the day is over. It is not the fact the holiday season "frenzy" kicks into high gear even though I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. No, for me it is about getting up at an ungodly hour and making the trek to Staten Island. It is about joining 41,999 other runners facing 26.2 miles. It is about crossing the finish line no matter how long it takes (although 4 1/2 hours would be sweet!) It is about finally feeling like I beat this cancer thing. It is my return to normal life.

No one tells you how to live life AFTER having cancer. I think I have figured out why: you just need to live. For me that means finding my limits and enjoying the exploration. For me it means with every footstep through the five boroughs I will be thankful that I am here and healthy and able to run. I'll be the one in pink, the runner with a huge smile on her face and more than likely some tears - not from pain, but from victory. My bib # is 46378 - watch out NYC, here I come!!!

Rainy Sundays

2009-10-18T08:19:00.002-04:00

I am procrastinating, big time! I need to get in a 15 mile run and I awoke to a cold, gray, rainy Sunday morning. I would much rather stay in my fluffy bathrobe sipping coffee in front of the roaring fire that Greg has built in our new wood stove.

Why would I wait until Sunday to do my long run? Well, I have been suffering pain in two of my toes on my right foot. A trip to the podiatrist on Friday resulted in me receiving a needle full of cortisone between the two said toes. Not fun. Doc advised I needed to take Saturday off but that I should be fine for the marathon - which is now two (2!!!) week away!

Friday, October 16th was National Mammogram Day - have you had yours yet?

Fall 2009

2009-10-05T21:05:00.004-04:00

The leaves are turning glorious shades of burgundy and gold. The air smells like campfire as the evenings grow cool and our neighbors stoke their fireplaces. Pumpkins and mums are everywhere - yes, fall has arrived to Northern NJ.

The past few weeks have been packed full of great events but the beauty of the season dimmed recently when the world lost another 41 year old woman to the beast that is breast cancer. Kate was a pharmacist who worked with me. I never had the privilege to meet her personally, but met so many folks who did; each of whom smiled when they spoke of her, I felt I knew her. Kate was diagnosed late in the game, stage 4. She fought a good fight and leaves behind a husband, two children and a cadre of co-workers who will never be the same.

Greg and I have been so fortunate: we spent Saturday night with friends and family at Giants Stadium seeing The Boss. Sunday was our 6th anniversary. We had a wonderful lunch outside at Vento in NYC, walked the Highline, and capped the evening having champagne with friends.

Last weekend we were in Vancouver, an incredible city. We did the zip lines down Grouse Mountain, drove out to Whistler and took the Peak 2 Peak gondola ride. Oh yeah, we also spent two days on the set of this little film - "Eclipse". Yes, THAT Eclipse, the 3rd in the Twilight series. Film making is an interesting thing, I think I found watching security flush out the paparazzi from the trees more entertaining than take after take of the same scene. I will admit those vampires are quite pretty....

We returned to NJ in time for the opening night reception of "The Faces of Breast Cancer" exhibit at the Morris Museum. It was somewhat surreal to see two photos of me hanging there; the show itself is wonderful and literally took me breath away. As I looked at the photos of so many survivors, I was reminded of how I felt a mere year ago as I approached the end of my chemo treatment, of how I looked (bald) and how thankful I was to be alive.

In this vein, fall also brings a plethora of pink as October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Have you had your mammogram yet?

The Faces of Breast Cancer

2009-09-16T21:04:00.007-04:00

Please join me at the Morris Museum on 9-30-09 between 5 and 7pm for the opening night reception of Pete Byron's photography exhibit: "The Faces of Breast Cancer". The exhibit will run the month of October. I'll be the one in the pink wig!

Below is the promo postcard created by the museum for the show.

NYC Race for the Cure 2009

2009-09-16T20:41:00.007-04:00

Starting Line
My Message
Survivors Photo
Sunday 9-13 was a beautiful day; sunny and not too hot. Central Park West was awash in pink: pink wigs, pink shirts, pink signs, pink balloons; you name it - it was there fashionably attired in pink. Yes, it was theh 2009 Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure.

I once again walked with Team Medco, joined by my husband, friends Chris, Jill, Denise, Jen, Lauren, Janine and many more. I admit walking under the balloon arch at the start was quite emotional for me and I was happy to have had my new MJ shades. I was instantly transported back to one year ago when I did the same, also surrounded by friends and family but bald, sporting a chemo port and feeling not exactly myself as I neared completion of my treatment of the exact disease which I walked "against".

Thank you to all who supported me and to those who also walked - I can only hope that one day such gatherings (there were close to 30,000 people there!) will be only something we did "..way back when..." Until that time we walk on!

A Day of Service and Remembrance

2009-09-11T17:41:00.002-04:00

It is 9-11-09. Eight years have passed since that horrible day. Life has continued but I can't help but think we were all changed that day - those of us who could see the smoke plumes from our workplace/home even more so. Who knew something so bad could happen so close?

It is funny, I have had similiar thoughts each time I have learned of newly diagnosed breast cancer patient now battling for her life. You are never prepared for the bad but you can learn from it and live a better life. I am trying...

CLEAR SCANS!!!!

2009-08-28T09:45:00.000-04:00

Enough said! No more doctor's visits until 2010 - woohoo!

Summer Winds Down

2009-08-23T21:52:00.002-04:00

Another August weekend over. One more to go before summer 2009 comes to end and yellow school buses once again fill the morning roadways. Time flies by so quickly, even more so when you spend it in the company of good friends.

Greg and I spent two sun filled days in Deighton, MA with Dean Robinson, his wife Beth and their three beautiful girls, Marissa, Izzy and Dana. Dean is the creator of "The Realm of the Rodent" - yes, the same realm on which Greg's book is based. The Robinson home is simply wonderful with a gorgeous backyard and pool. After a 6 mile morning run Saturday, the rest of the day we spent poolside. Dean's partner Jason joined us for dinner along with his wife Lisa and two more beautiful girls - Hayley and Ella. Thank fully Sunday is an "off day" for me from running so I spent another day lounging poolside as Greg went "turtleling" with Dean and Dana.
It was very relaxing - so much so I could forget about my upcoming scans, the fact that I face a very unpleasant day at work tomorrow (Long story - I am accountable for an issue impacting one of our clients and it makes me feel ill even to think about it...)

One highlight I must mention was Tacoma's attempt at swimming - yes, we brought Tacoma with us. Dean and Beth have two labs, Butter (yellow) and Raven (black) so welcomed our dog into their home. As we were enjoying artisanal cheeses and wine, Tacoma decided she needed to have some as well. Unfortunately we were all standing in the pool. She took a step towards us and next thing you know she was under water. Greg jumped in and pulled her out, needless to say she was a bit shocked as we all were!

The ride home was not the best but going south on Route 95 through Connecticut and Sunday in the summer is always bound to be painful. We hit a brief downpour but finished the ride under pink and purple skies.

Pink Honor Roll

2009-08-14T08:02:00.010-04:00

Flight Deck
2008 Pink Honor Roll

Maurice DuBois

Dr. Richardson-Heron

On the evening of Wednesday, August 12th, Greg and I were invited to attend a celebration upon the Intrepid held by the NY affiliate of the Susan G. Komen Foundation. We were invited as I was one of the top 125 fundraisers from the 2008 Race for the Cure and therefore would be added to the "Pink Honor Roll". (I was #81!)

It was a beautiful night and we had not been to the Intrepid since its return to NYC. The ship was very cool - I highly recommend it to those of you who have kids as a "thing to do"! The evening was beautiful, the food and drink plentiful, and the cause one I hold very near and dear. I met the president of the NY chapter, Dr. Dara Richardson-Heron ( a 12-year breast cancer survivor) and the host of the evening Chanel 2's Maurice DuBois. Doing my best to get invited next year - the Race this year is September 13th!

A Little Scare

2009-08-09T10:09:00.003-04:00

Not sure if any "scare" should be classified as little, but for now that is how I need to think about the latest in my seemingly never-ending saga of dealing with breast cancer.

I had a visit with my surgeon, Dr. Shapiro this week. For the past two weeks, I have been experiencing pain and discomfort in the side of my chest that I had my cancer in. So much so that sometimes it interrupts my sleep if I happen to roll onto my left side. I originally chalked it up to my weight training plus amped up running mileage; (Marathon training has begun!) but it started to freak me out. Plus, I could swear I felt something there - something other than the scar tissue created from my lumpectomy. So off to NYC and the NYU Cancer Center Greg and I went.

Dr. Shapiro examined me and did admit I felt "lumpy" - how's that to start a girl's day? He did say he did not think it was a "horrible lumpy" but maybe just cystic tissue. He asked about my exercise regime and advised me to scheduled time with him once my sonogram and mammogram are completed on the 26th.

So I left somewhat conflicted: Should I be upset and worry until the 26th OR do I place my faith, as I have in past, on my surgeon and realize that if he thought there was something bad going on he would have had me scanned immediately? What to do, what to do. I am trying to go with the latter and keep on trucking through life until I can no longer. Some days it easy, others - not so much. Once again I thank my friends and family for rallying around me and checking in, my mom for the beautiful flowers and my husband for his unending patience and positive outlook. I have said it a million times and will probably say it another billion times more but, "this too shall pass."

Back to Reality

2009-07-29T07:39:00.006-04:00

The Five Burts
Doesn't the Background Look Fake?
Bill and Ethan on "PRACTICE" - lovingly handcrafted by Bill and his kids
Artisan Works
John and Allie
Summer has truly arrived - heavy,hot,humid with an almost daily thunder shower expected, I have no problem grasping that August begins later this week. Me, I am still trying to get back into the routine of daily life after returning from a wonderful week of fun, family, and friends.

Greg and I started our journey a week ago Friday with a drive back to upstate NY ("boy, that farm looks awfully familiar doesn't it?") to attend the wedding of friends John and Allie in Rochester. Having never visited Rochester before, Greg and I had something to do between the lovely church ceremony and evening reception and toured the city and its surrounding neighborhoods. The reception was a grand affair, held at a place called "Artisan Works" (see photos). We greatly enjoyed the art, the music, the food and the company.

Sunday morning we hit the road bound for Maine. It was a beautiful day that turned into a great night at my brother's summer home in Gray. We had a blast swimming, boating and hanging with the five Burts: Bill, Ethan, Aaron, Christine and Hayden or as I now call them - B.E.A.C.H. We had a great Maine lobster dinner while there and of course visited LL Bean.

Greg flew out of Portland on Wednesday bound for the 2009 Comicon in San Diego. I met Jess in Beantown and we proceed down to the Cape with a stop for a great lunch in Plymouth where we sat outside along the water and enjoyed the sun. Our time on the Cape was great. We had wonderful dinners courtesy of my Dad and his wife Linda, did our required training runs, participated in Truro Winery's tasting, roamed the streets of P-Town, and relaxed. Good thing as the drive home Saturday was somewhat brutal although we were rewarded with an evening soiree at Lauren and James' cabin on Cupsaw Lake so all was not lost.

I ended the week by attending a bus trip to see the Lion King in NYC with my niece and nephews as well as my mom (Thanks mom!) We had fun in Times Square where we people watched, had lunch, and shopped in the M&M store: did you know they are making coconut M&M's? they are very tasty! The show was wonderful, everyone enjoyed it. The day was long and I came home to an unpacked suitcase, dirty laundry, etc. As I settled down to watch True Blood I thought of the week ahead and realized I needed a vacation from my vacation!

Ithaca

2009-07-17T07:40:00.006-04:00

Here are some photos from my trip to Ithaca to prove it was not a complete waste; we had journeyed north to attend the Ithaca dragonboat festival, however upon awaking Saturday morning I was aching everywhere - thank you Zometa! We watched the morning races and then spent the afternoon touring around Cayuga Lake and its 16 wineries...

Sunday morning I felt a little better so we visited Ithaca's famous farmer's market and hiked up and down Buttermilk Falls. I tried to convey to Greg how different the city is while school is in session and thousands of Cornell and Ithaca College students flood the streets (My sister Gwen attended Cornell and I had visited her there to experience it). All in all it was a nice weekend but I was happy to get home and to start feeling normal again!

Zometa - Round 2

2009-07-09T18:34:00.004-04:00

Zometa Infusion 7-9-09
Just returned from a trip to NYC where I received my 2nd round of Zometa. (Not a huge fan of the attached photo but you can see I am back in the chemo suite - not quite so freaky this time around.) Met with Dr. Oratz who reviewed my last round of labs and said everything looks good. Just need to have my bi-annual mammo/sonogram and I should be "cancer related" doctor free for the remainder of 2009! Woo hoo!

Feel okay right now - was extremely tired after the infusion, probably more from stress than anything else but a quick nap fixed that.

Came home to learn that the photos I had taken for a local photographer's breast cancer project will be in a show at the Morristown Museum opening September 30th! More details to follow!

Was looking back at my posts from 2008 to see where I was a year ago - boy that wasn't very much fun was it?

July Already

2009-07-06T10:08:00.005-04:00

Family
Maia and Jess
Hair June 2009
Amazing how fast time is flying by this year. It could be due in part to the fact that summer did not seem to quite fully arrive until this past weekend. Greg and I were fortunate enough to spend the holiday weekend on the Cape where the weather was simply perfect and we did a whole bunch of nothing! (by nothing I mean I usual - long walks on the beach, browsing at the flea market, visiting family, eating and drinking, and I did manage to do my "rave run" - a 5 mile loop that starts at the National Seashore Visitor Center, and passes both Coast Guard and Nauset Light Beaches.

It was our second trip up to the Cape in two weeks - our last visit was a quick overnight to be part of my sister's nuptials; we have been quite lucky as the weather that night was spectacular as well! The ride home is never fun and this July 5th was no exception: 8 hours in the car. Need to get to work on that transporter...

I face my 2nd Zometa infusion later this week. I remain positive that the experience will not leave me as unsettled as the last, however returning to the chemo suite is not all that much fun. I am prepared this time and will work from home in case I suffer the same side effects. Good thing I know what to expect or I might think I was coming down with swine flu!

Summer Arrives!!!

2009-06-21T09:33:00.008-04:00

Summer arrived today along with Father's Day. However the summer solstice has been trumped this year by gray skies, cold temps, and so much rain that the waterfall behind my house as gone from a steady drone to mighty roar. We have not had a "HOT" day yet, everything is damp, and running outside is not all that much fun soaking wet.(Someone remind me of that when I am doing my 18 mile morning training runs in 90 degree weather and complaining about it!)

But - enough with the whining, there is much to be happy about these days. I am feeling great, my next mammogram is in July along with my next Zometa infusion. (Not looking forward to that so much). Based on my last round of bloodwork I am confident my mammo will be clear. I have Greg joining me in the chemo suite while I get my Zometa so at least I will be distracted and this time I know what to expect.

My garden is flourishing in this weather - you can see photos above. My cousin Kristen graduated as co-valedictorian of her high school, Pequannock Township High Class of 2009. She will be off to BU in September, another reason to visit Boston! We have three weddings this summer - all of which should be a lot of fun plus we will be spending time with my brother and his family at their vacation home along with making a few visits to my Dad's. With my dragonboat racing and running it looks to be a busy summer indeed; I tell everyone I am making up for the time I lost last year!

Paddle for Pink

2009-06-09T07:31:00.003-04:00

I think I may have mentioned that I have joined "Team SOS (Save our Sisters)", a dragonboat team comprised of breast cancer survivors. I attended my first race and we brought home a bronze medal. The day was beautiful and the event quite amazing. It was inspiring to see and meet so many powerful women, so many who are living with breast cancer in their lives; who refuse to give up, who are fighting back and proving that a breast cancer diagnosis may only by a speed bump in the road of life. I look forward to our next race in July!

I"M IN!!!

2009-06-05T07:33:00.002-04:00

I learned yesterday that I was accepted via lottery into the 2009 ING NYC Marathon being held November 1st. (A mere 148 days away!) I will need to start "official training" on July 13th.

I found myself musing yesterday about training for this event in such a way that made me laugh to myself - "You can do this", I said to myself - "You made it through being bald, six months of chemo, daily early morning trips to NYC for radiation...what is 26.2 miles through the greatest city in the world?" Here is where I laughed for a realized that as I underwent treatment last year I used the marathon as my point of comparison; my guide to mile posts achieved. Funny how things can radically shift.

My next Zometa infusion is a few weeks away and already I am dreading it. I figure this time I know what I am up against and will hopefully feel more at home returning to the recliners of the treatment room where I went through chemo. On the bright side, it is my last one for 2009 - woo hoo!

Last weekend was so beautiful here in NJ. Greg and I spent Sunday in the Poconos, checking out the new Mount Airy Lodge, taking in the views at Camelback and enjoying drinks at the LHYC along with our friend Greg followed by dinner at a great find - Alice's Restaurant - which could be no further than the establishment I imagine everytime I hear the song of the same title! Photos above from our day!

The Difference One Year Can Make

2009-05-29T06:32:00.004-04:00

2009 Ridgewood Run 5/25/09
2009 Spring Lake 5 5/23/09
I did not sleep all that much last night. It wasn't my hot flashes or too much caffeine keeping me awake. It wasn't thinking about the upcoming Brooklyn 1/2 marathon on Saturday or making dinner for my girlfriends tonight either. No, it was more than that.

Last night I had the honor of attending the 2009 Gala for the Northside Children's Center at Cipriani's in NYC where they honored the CEO, Dave Snow, of my employer: Medco. Dave graciously accepted the award presented to him in honor of another - Victoria Rubino. Victoria was the 21 year old daughter of Medco's CFO, Rich Rubino. Victoria passed away recently in her sleep due to an undetected heart defect. She was a senior at my alma mater, Boston University.

It was this event that kept me awake. It was thinking about the loss the Rubino family had endured. It was realizing that 20 years ago, I too was a senior at BU. 20 years ago!!! Had you told me then that I would one day face cancer I would have laughed at you. As I drove into the event I thought about how I had been driving into the city a year earlier but for a much different reason - I was heading to NYU Medical Center to get my chemo port. As I tried to sleep last night, I wondered about how weird the world is and why we are given the path to follow that we do. I contemplated this past year and the fact that today marks one year since I started chemotherapy to combat the cancer detected in me. My mind raced all night as I tried to remember that chemical taste and lethargy that the drugs pumped into to caused. I thought about the fact that here I was one year later, attending a grand event looking a bit different but feeling wonderful. Amazing what can transpire in 365 days.

Yesterday I also heard from my oncologist's office that lab work I had done last week came back and my results were "perfect". In the big scheme of things, it really doesn't get any better than that.

Ragnar Relay - New York

2009-05-17T15:08:00.004-04:00

The Missing Winks
The Start

Twelve people. Two vans. 181.9 mile route from Kingston to the Bronx. Bright orange everywhere...that would be the Ragnar Relay!!!

Quite the experience! My team, "The Missing Winks" was comprised of myself, Jess, Denise and her husband Joel, my cousin Lisa, some Medco co-workers: Jim C., Jim S. and Sam as well as My neighbor Hank his friend Pat and Sam's friend Jessica. Special shout out to my husband Greg for being the designated rive of Van #1.

We started at Dietz Stadium in Kingston and ran our way down to Van Cortland Park in the Bronx. It took us about 26 hours. It was sunny and hot when we started and cool and overcast when we ended. I've a very patient bunch of friends. Me, I get pretty crabby when running in the hot sun without water. (poor planning on my part) I get even crabbier when I have to run in the pre-dawn darkness after sleeping for about two hours in a tent... I do admit I felt much better after running even if it was mostly uphill!

So why Ragnar? Why not? Had you said to me one year ago as I sat facing the start of chemotherapy, baldness, weakness, etc. that I would be running the streets of New Paltz at 10pm wearing a headlamp of all things as part of a relay that was 181.9 miles long, I would have told you that you were crazy. Now I am wondering just who is crazy enough to want to do the Reach the Beach relay in NH with me...

Lehigh Valley 1/2 Marathon 5/3/09

2009-05-05T07:34:00.005-04:00

I missed the Lehigh Valley 1/2 last year; I was sitting home with a drain coming out of my side pondering the bizarre path my life had just stumbled upon.

It was a great race - the day was cool and damp but not pouring down rain. The course was beautiful; we even crossed a covered bridge! There were different bands every two miles and "fan support" the entire race. I was joined by good friends (Jess, Denise and Joel, David and Dennis) and we all had a great dinner teh night before. Denise and I crossed the finish line together at 2 hours and 7 minutes (which you Facebook users already know!)

Next up - the 175 mile Ragnar Relay! BRING IT!!!

More 1/2 Marathon - 4/26/09

2009-04-30T07:37:00.006-04:00

Running in Central Park
Waiting for the Start
Team Aquaphor
Wanted to get these photos posted. Last year the day after running the More 1/2 marathon I found out I had breast cancer. This year, the day after the More 1/2 marathon I got up and went to work - enough said!

Earth Day 2009

2009-04-22T05:19:00.004-04:00

Amazing the difference a year can make. Last April 22 I was up early getting ready to drive into NYC for my lumpectomy. I was not yet aware of my need for chemo and thought this would just be one of life's small annoyances but I would get it over with and that would be that.

I then awoke to find myself with drains and the news that my nodes were positive and knew it was going to be one very long year! Incredibly enough that year has gone by and I am awake early this April 22, 2009 to catch a morning workout, have breakfast and head off to work. It is Earth Day and I am so thankful to be alive and feeling good that my goal today is to do somethign good for both Mother Earth and myself: join a CSA farm nearby.

What is a CSA farm? CSA = Community Supported Agriculture. How it works is you buy into the farm for the season and you are guaranteed part of the crops it grows that year. I actually found an organic farm less than 20 miles from my house with a reasonable share fee. I firmly believe in supporting local business and try my best to eat organic (even before my diagnosis!) so I think this may be a match made in heaven! I look forward to whatever bounty the farm my offer: fresh lettuces, tomatoes, squash in the fall - I can't think of a better way to celebrate Earth Day and yet another year one milestone passed in this journey I am on!

Team SOS (Save Our Sisters)

2009-04-14T07:41:00.004-04:00

Had my 1st dragonboat team practice and it was sweet! You can make out my blonde head next to Megan (not sure of the spelling) who was sporting the very same 'do! We are both breast cancer survivors and most of my team is some sort of cancer survivor. Coach Ellen is great - very funny but at the same time serious. We paddle on Lake Parsippany and although the water was quite cold, the evening was warm and we worked up a sweat as we learned the various terms and strokes used in competition. More info as I get it about races, etc.

Being filmed for Better TV today on behalf of Team Aquaphor - I'll let everyone know details when I have them!

365 Days Later

2009-04-07T07:26:00.004-04:00

It is April 7th, 2009. 365 days have come and gone since I heard those few words that would impact my life so greatly: "I'm sorry, your biopsy was positive. You have cancer." I do not quite recall what the doctor said after that. I know I stood there waiting for the punchline that was never delivered and then realized she wasn't kidding and this situation was not funny. What a year. While I may not look back and laugh, I do look back at what I have learned.

I spent last evening at the wake of a local 39 year old woman who dies of breast cancer. She was a wife of a former co-worker of mine. She was a mother, a teacher, and judging by the photos her husband Jim had on display last night, someone who loved life. As I waited over an hour to say something to Jim, it was he who said something to me. He was aware of my battle during the past year. He asked how I was doing - how I was doing? How about him? I said I take each day as it comes and he said to me, "Do not forget that every day is a gift, that is what my days with Karen were and that is what I told my daughter too". Those words reminded quickly reminded me how wrapped up I had become in the trivial again, how "normal life" had quickly become a familiar routine.

So as I laced my sneakers this morning for a run I thought about Jim's words and the past year and I made a point to look at the sky as the sun rose through the clouds. I left my iPod home so I could hear myself think. As I ran I sent many, many thank yous to the heavens as I feel good, I can run, and I can say, "Cancer? Been there, done that - last year."

If you are reading this note through Facebook, this is actually a post to my blog, www.jchildebrandt.blogspot.com. I started my blog 4/17 - 10 days after diagnosis as a place to keep family and friends up to date as to what was going on with me and also as a way to share my experience with any other woman who may facing similar circumstances. I will continue to write and continue to fight until, well, I am not sure where or how it this will end but that is part of what makes life worth living - hey, you never know what tomorrow might bring so be sure to enjoy today!

C'est magnifique!

2009-04-02T21:00:00.002-04:00

I am back in the USA. I say back because at this time last week I was sleeping in an apartment on Le Avenue d'Opera in Paris. What a trip!

Greg and I spent three days in Paris and had a most wonderful guide - our friend Stephane. Stephane is an artist we met in Germany (oh aren't we cosmopolitan!) while attending the wedding of friends Nora and Jason. He had mentioned we should come to Paris so we went! Since we were in France we figured we should take the train ride to Switzerland and visit Greg's sister Mary so we did. Mary and her husband David live in a beautiful house set on the hillside in Mogelsberg.

Being in Europe made me reflect back over the past year. The one year anniversary of my biopsy was 4/1. Greg accompanied me to the hospital after I received a call to come back for an ultrasound since they thought they saw something in the films I had taken on 3/17. I tell everyone when I first heard the message Chilton Hospital left for me, my first thought was, ".. oh, they must have had a problem with my insurance..." never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I had to have more tests. While there on 4/1 I kept waiting for someone to say "April's Fools!" Greg was with me because we were headed to Michigan for his grandmother's funeral.

I was so shocked when they said they found a lump, even more so when they showed me how to feel it. When they broke out the surgical cart to do a biopsy I felt the world start to spin out of control. And so my journey began...

The trip to Paris and Switzerland was a welcome distraction from the events of the past year. We saw so much: Notre Dame, the Mona Lisa, the Eiffel Tower just to name a few highlights and ate incredible meals. I'll be posting pictures soon!

Major Milestones

2009-03-24T20:39:00.003-04:00

March bas brought me two major milestones thus far:

1. March 17th 2009 was the one year anniversary of the mammogram that detected my cancer.

2. I finally completed a race longer than 5 miles at a sub ten minute pace!(Freehold St. Pat's 10 miler - 1:36)

So many dates coming up that I look forward to; mostly being able to say,"One year ago today I..." such as the diagnosis of my cancer, surgery dates,etc. for each day that passes is another day of me being closer to being "cured"!

I am going to be part of Team Aquaphor for the More 1/2 marathon. This team is for women runners who have had or has breast cancer. I was contacted (as a team member) about appearing on the CBS daytime show, "The Doctors", but filming coincides with my vacation. There goes my 15 minutes of fame!

I am watching President Obama's news conference as I type this. I am sensitive to the need for affordable health care so curious to see what pans out. I do not envy this man, he has a heavy burden to bear yet I am optimistic that the good ol' USA will pull out of the morass we are in. I am all for the wiring of health care and not only because I work in e-commerce. Going from floor to floor of the same hospital and having to complete the same paperwork gets a bit redundant. Carrying ones medical records from appt. to appt. also gets old pretty fast. Have I mentioned how happy I am to have those days behind me?

Spring Approaches

2009-03-15T13:34:00.002-04:00

Another Sunday afternoon where I sit recovering from this morning's kickboxing class; what a workout! I feel good now but I just know I am going to wake up tomorrow and feel muscles I never knew I had!

I have found that while I run (Did the NYRR8000 yesterday in Central Park) I lost a lot of "core strength" last year. Doing things like push-ups and sit-ups are down right painful. But in a good way as odd as that may seem. Exercise certainly helped me feel better throughout my treatment, however limited it may have been. I can't even recollect that feeling that chemo gave me of absolute exhaustion. And, that is indeed a very good thing!

Lots of things to look forward to in the next few weeks, vacation, family gatherings, weddings and best of all Spring arrives officially this Friday. Winter will finally be behind us. As it leaves I will be waving it "goodbye" wholeheartedly as I gaze over the crocus flowers poking there way through the dirt along with the beginnings of tulips and daffodils. I am looking forward to much warmer days. I am also hopeful that this week will bring me renewed energy; the time change last weekend seemed to really do me in!

I had the chance to reconnect with some friends from high school this past week. We had been conversing via "Facebook" (that's a whole other post in itself!)and realized we all still live near each other. Technology is a wonderful thing.

Speaking of technology, I have my 3 month follow-up from radiation treatment this week. Everything looks okay to me; all that remains from my treatment is a very faint "tan line". My surgical scar is hardly noticeable (Thank you Dr. Shapiro!) and even my port scar has faded. Tuesday marks the one year anniversary of the mammogram the changed my life. I end this entry with a question I will forever ask my friends and family - have you had your mammogram this year? Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!

Daylight Savings Time

2009-03-08T21:15:00.002-04:00

Today is my favorite day of the year. No, it is not my birthday, nor my anniversary. It isn't the first day of summer and as you know it isn't Christmas. However at 2am this morning we all "fell forward" and changed time bringing another hour of light to the evening. This is what makes it my favorite day of the year. It is the promise of warm summer nights to come and spending time outside.
The darkness of winter comes to an end and I for one am so looking forward to enjoying this spring and more so this summer; I need to reclaim the summer I lost last year.

I had a nice weekend. The weather was warm , a tease, spring floating on the breeze. I started the day with a run with Jess and then had lunch with my friend Jen, a survivor herself and greatly enjoyed out time together. I followed this with dinner out with two Jessica's. We did "sushi and a movie" - we saw "Milk", which was great. I spent Sunday working out and puttering about in my garden. Capped the evening with dinner with my aunt Lorna and her family. Her son Michael was home from BU for spring break.

Greg had spent the weekend in Beantown with my brothers partaking in the now annual "Boys Beer Crawl". They actually started at the Sunset Grill and Tap, the very place I worked my junior and senior year at BU. Seems everyone had a very good time and was basically functional today!

Can St. Patrick's Day 2009 really be only 9 days away?

March Comes In Like A Lion

2009-03-01T21:58:00.002-05:00

It is Sunday evening, the 1st of March and we are expecting to wake to a winter wonderland. Yes, the dreaded double whammy - Monday morning and SNOW!!! The Weather channel is predicting we will get anywhere between 8 - 14". Lovely. Just when I was thinking the worst of the cold and grey days were behind us.

Got my butt kicked today in a great kickboxing class. I quickly realized how much stronger my right arm is than my left and how much I need to incorporate upperbody and ab work into my exercise routine! I was dripping with sweat and I may not be able to breathe tomorrow but it was a lot of fun.

I have been contemplating hairstyles lately. I cannot decide if I should stay short and grow it all out. Short sure is easy! On the flip side I still catch myself in the mirror and jump - it takes a moment to register, "oh, yeah - that's me!". I guess it is a constant reminder of my battle of 2008 which makes me think I need to grow it out. I am leaning towards keeping it short for the summer and then growing it out in the fall. Only time will tell!

I am looking forward to next weekend which brings my favorite day of the year: the end of Daylight Savings Time!